Completely Loopy Mark II
by KeepCalmAndMarryAMarauder
Summary: An expansion/re-work of my fic Completely Loopy. Written to comply with pottermore canon. The story of the Marauders (from first year this time!) up to the end of the First Wizarding War. Mainly from Remus's point of view but there will be bits told from other characters' perspectives as well. Not JK. Reviewers are lovely people. Any questions PM me.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay, so to fully explain since the last pottermore update and the information about Remus's family I've been doing some thinking, and in the end I decided that I wanted to restart my story about Remus and the Marauders from the beginning, and I mean like, the actual beginning this time, not that random point in year two I started with last time because I was impatient. I'm doing this mainly because it is very important to me that what I write is feasible in terms of the canon according to Jo. This is just a personal thing I have, unless I write something that's specifically AU or crossover which I have done before for my own personal enjoyment but not published. Anyway I felt that I wouldn't be able to really get to know Remus's parents if I continued to write my own version of his parents which I made up purely because he needed to have parents and I had nothing to go on. For that reason I am probably not going to update Completely Loopy again, although I will leave it up for now, mainly because I don't keep past chapters saved on my computer cause it gets messy so I need it there til I catch this story up to where I got with Completely Loopy (6th year). Whether you've been reading Completely Loopy or not I want to stress that this is not a straight re-write of that story, it's starting earlier, and there'll be more generally of the early years cause I know that I rushed through that last time and because I would find a straight re-write far too boring to do. So this fic will include a mixture of chapters from Completely Loopy with little or no editing, chapters based on chapters from Completely Loopy, and a large helping of entirely new chapters (like this one) cause I know there are things I left out in my haste and confusion. For now I'm called thing story Completely Loopy Mark II, but when I can think of a synonym for crazy that's a play on Peter's name or nickname or animagus form then I'll change it to Loopy [afore mentioned synonym] Barking and Potty.

Disclaimer: No Chapters In This Fanfiction Are Anything Other Than Fanfiction. The Entire Universe This Fic Is Set In And Everything In It Is Owned By Joanne Kathleen Rowling.

There, I think that covers it, unless anyone complains I'm not going to bother writing the disclaimers in every chapter anymore unless I borrow something from somewhere else. And I'm not going to bother with authors notes either unless I actually have something to say. Reviews are always appreciated whenever I write anything, love, hate, whatever, bring it on.

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It had taken Albus ages to track them down. The Lupins had definitely done a good job at hiding their son away from the Wizarding World. Almost no records of any of the family existed postdating 1964, but they had left a trail, if only a faint one, as they moved from place to place, running and hiding from the people they once might have turned to as friends. To find them Albus had largely had to follow whispers, rumours, local legends. And eventually his searches had lead him here, to this small house set back a long way from the road in the Pennines. It was February, and although winter was nearly at an end a biting chill still lingered in the air and as he approached Albus saw smoke rising from the chimney. In the front garden, which was separated from the surrounding fields by a low dry stone wall, which had at some point in it's history been colonised by brambles, he saw a sizable vegetable patch as well as a large oak tree, with a rope swing hanging down from one of the branches. The garden was empty save for a few birds trying to coax worms from the hard winter earth, and not a sound came from the house, though Albus could see light in the downstairs windows, behind the net curtains which prevented anyone who should happen to stray so far from the road from peering in.

Albus knocked on the door and waited. For a moment the silence from the house seemed to deepen, then he heard muffled footsteps, hushed adult whisperings and then the louder, higher pitched sound of a child, who was hastily silenced, and then, judging by the amount of creaking of floorboards, sent upstairs. The footsteps drew nearer now, but the door did not open. Instead Albus was challenged with a demand of "Who's there?" shortly followed by a "What do you want?"

"My name is Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," said Albus loudly so that Lyall could hear him through the door, "and I would very much like to have a chat with you and your wife and son about the possibility of Remus attending Hogwarts in September."

One the other side of the door there were more indistinguishable murmurings between Lyall and Hope, and then Lyall spoke again.

"I'm sorry but I think you've gotten the wrong house," he said, "I don't know who this Remus is you're talking about, I don't have a son and I've never heard of you or your school of... Witchcraft and Wizardry?"

"Oh I'm pretty sure I've got the right house Lyall," said Albus calmly, he had not expected gaining entrance to the Lupin household to be an easy affair, "I promise you I come only as the bearer of good news which I would very much like to convey to you, your wife Hope and your son Remus."

Above him Albus heard the sound of a window sliding open. He looked up and saw, through a small gap in the curtains, not white netting as downstairs but a pale blue this time, two staring brown eyes set in a small pale face. On seeing him the eyes quickly vanished behind the curtain, but the window stayed open, and Albus knew that little Remus would still be listening from the other side.

"I'm afraid Remus won't be able to go to school," said a voice from inside the house, this time a woman's, Hope's, Albus detected a lilting quality hidden under the tangible fear, and recalled that in his investigations he had found that Hope Lupin nee Howell was originally from Wales, "he's very ill, we've decided we're going to educate him at home instead."

"I am well aware of your son's condition Mrs Lupin, it is for that reason I came here in person, to persuade you that with the necessary precautions Remus will still be able to come to school. Now, I had rather imagined that I would persuade you sitting around that lovely smelling log fire of yours rather than through a door, so would you mind if I come in?"

Finally there was a clacking and clanging of various locks being unlocked, and the door opened a couple of inches, though it was still held fast by no less than four chains.

"Look, we don't want any trouble," said Lyall, peering through the gap, wand drawn and pointed at Dumbledore's chest, "we just want to be able to raise our son in peace and safety. We don't want to sign anything, we don't want to enrol on any Ministry programmes, and we don't want to enrol Remus in any school. So I'm going to have to bid you a good day, and ask you to leave before I am forced to make you."

"Now now Lyall, I don't think that will be necessary. I am not here on behalf of the Ministry, in fact I can assure you that the Ministry are entirely unaware of my presence here. I find them a rather difficult bunch to work with and prefer to keep Hogwarts business well away from the long arm of the Ministry of Magic. I am here solely to offer Remus a place at my school and to explain to you how we intend to ensure this is possible. Now, it is rather cold out here, and standing around like this not only am I getting rather chilly but I'm sure you're letting a terrible draught in keeping the door open like this, not to mention Remus's bedroom window."

At this Lyall's face froze, and behind him Albus heard the stairs creak again as Hope ran up after Remus. A moment later the upstairs window had been slammed shut and Lyall was speaking again.

"If you want to offer my son a place at your school then threatening us is not the way to go about it," he said, "no leave, _please_, or I shall have to resort to violence."

"I was not threatening you," said Albus, still calm despite Lyall Lupin's warning, "I was merely informing you that Remus has been listening in on our conversation and in doing so letting a frightful draught into your otherwise warm and cosy home."

"I don't know what you are trying to say Mr Dumbledore but..."

"I am trying to say that Remus at least seems to want to hear me out, and as we are all endeavouring to act in his best interests perhaps we should let him do so."

"How do we know you are acting in his best interest though?" demanded Lyall, "how do you know you haven't come to take him away? To take him to some Ministry facility? You do see that we have no reason to trust you right? Or believe anything you have said so far?"

"I see that Lyall," said Dumbledore, and that is why I am now going to hand you over my wand," he reached into a pocket in his robes and did so, Lyall took it, looking perplexed but never letting his guard down, "you can see that I am alone, cast _homenem revelio_ if you wish. All I ask for is an audience with you and your family, and perhaps a scone or a crumpet or two if you have anything of the sort."

Lyall looked back at his wife, who was now standing at the top of the stairs, holding tightly onto Remus, who had his head cocked to one side, trying to look through the crack in the door at the mysterious man on the doorstep. Hope shrugged and then nodded, after all, how many villains came to their victim's doorsteps and asked for crumpets?

"Fine," said Lyall, turning back to face Albus "but I keep hold of this," he added, placing Albus's wand in his own pocket before closing the door again to undo the chains.

Albus bent low to avoid catching his wizard's hat on the door frame, and when he looked up to the top of the stairs he saw that Remus's curiosity had turned at once to shyness and fear. As he smiled at the boy Remus clung even tighter to his mother and shuffled around to hide behind her in a manner befitting a much younger child.

"Hello Remus," called Dumbledore, and then he produced a small wooden box from another of his pockets and proffered it to the boy, "fancy a game of gobstones?"

Remus looked up to his mother, who smile and nodded at him. Then he looked down the stairs and nodded at Albus. Behind Albus, Lyall raised his eyebrows at his son. Seeing the gesture Remus swallowed and saw, in a small voice:

"Yes please."

Lyall showed Albus into the living room, which predominantly consisted of a small sofa, an armchair, a rug and a low table, all illuminated by the flickering orange light of the fire. On the table lay a muggle notepad which was open to a page half filled with the careful handwriting of a child, and next to it a pencil.

"I'm sorry if I interrupted a lesson," said Albus, as Hope and Remus followed them into the room, Remus still staying close to his mother, "what were you learning about?" he asked Remus.

"Poltergeists," said Remus.

"Does your Dad teach you?"

"Yes."

"Do you like learning about magic?"

"Yes."

"Would you like to go to school to study magic?"

This question Remus did not answer immediately but again looked up to his mother and then to his father for guidance. Receiving none he looked back to Albus again but said nothing, his eyes now closed and wary like his father's.

"Why don't I make a cup of tea," said Hope, "I think we even have some crumpets in."

"I'll help you," said Remus quickly.

"Okay," said Hope, and the two of them left the room again, leaving Albus alone with Lyall.

"He's a clever boy," said Lyall, "if he seems a bit... socially..."

"Oh I'm sure he's as intelligent as they come," said Albus, "starting on his magical education already."

"Well, we thought we might as well get started sooner rather than later," said Lyall, "give him the best start we can."

"I'm sure by the time he arrives at Hogwarts he'll be miles ahead of most of the other students."

At this Lyall stopped his chess game conversation and resolved himself into a businesslike tone.

"Look, before Remus comes back in, why are you here? How did you find us and how did you find out about Remus?"

"Let me answer those last two questions first," said Dumbledore, "I knew of Remus's existence, however well you have tried to hide it, because at Hogwarts we have an enchanted quill which writes down the name of all magical children at birth. Each year we consult the list and send letters out to the children offering them a place. However when it came to Remus we had trouble finding an address to send the letter to, so I asked a few contacts of mine to listen out for the name Lupin. As you'll no doubt be aware it is very hard for a Wizarding family to slip through the net just like that, so I was very anxious to find out what had become of you. Soon enough one contact of mine, a spy amongst the werewolf packs to be precise, returned to me with the news that he had heard a man who goes by the name of Fenrir Greyback, boasting some years ago about how he had bitten the child of a man named Lyall Lupin, who had made an offensive remark about him and his kind. From then on it was just a matter of tracking you down. No easy matter to be sure, but I managed it in the end, and so here we are," Albus finished brightly.

"But _why?_" asked Lyall in a low voice so that his son would not be able to hear from the next room, "_why_ would you go to such lengths to track down a werewolf?"

"Because it is my firm belief that every child has the right to an education," said Albus, "perhaps I should reassure you now Lyall, that I do not subscribe to the popular theory that werewolves soulless and evil. Some, such as Greyback, perform evil acts certainly, but those individuals are a product of long suffering. As soon as I learned of the misfortune that had befallen Remus I doubled my resolve to track him down. It is clear that you and Hope have done a wonderful job of raising Remus to be a kind and polite boy, by offering him a place at Hogwarts I hope that he will have the opportunity to... spread his wings, as one might say. You assure me Remus is intelligent, I believe you, it would be a terrible shame to see such potential go to waste."

Lyall opened his mouth to reply but closed it again when he saw Hope and Remus returning with a pot of tea and a plate of hot buttered crumpets.

"Here we are," said Hope, "please, sit down Mr Dumbledore, how do you take your tea? Milk? Sugar?"

"Yes please, just one spoonful thank you."

Hope poured everyone tea and handed Albus a cup. Remus reached for his but Hope said "leave it to cool for a bit first Remus" and he obeyed her. Over the rim of his cup Albus surveyed the boy properly for the first time. He was skinny, as most boys of his age were, only the way his face was also thin, and lacked the usual plump rosy cheeks that you would find on most children, suggested illness. But then again, Albus had been careful to time his visit to coincide with the new moon, when he knew Remus would be at his healthiest, and therefore his family more disposed to let him into their home. He looked a little pale, though not unnaturally so, though again Albus knew he would not be looking so well in another two weeks. On his neck Albus could see two raised pink scars which disappeared down under the neckline of his long sleeved shirt, which Albus was sure concealed many more of the same sort and worse.

"So Remus," said Albus, "a little bird told me you're going to be eleven soon."

"Yes," Remus nodded.

"Well," he said, pushing the box of gobstones towards him across the table, "I would like you to consider this an early birthday present."

"Thank you," said Remus, cautiously taking the box, with another look at his parents, and opening it to examine it's contents.

"So, how about that game then?"

"Okay."

The two of them moved onto the floor, and Lyall and Hope watched in puzzled awe as Albus helped Remus set out the gobstones.

"I was just talking to your father," said Albus, gesturing to Remus to roll the first gobstone "he tells me you're a very clever boy."

"I'm probably not," said Remus, blushing and concentrating on the path of his gobstone, "I'm probably about normal. I don't know how clever other children are so I don't know."

"Would you like to go to school Remus?" Albus asked again.

Again Remus looked at him for a long second, as if trying to figure out whether it was a trick question, then he looked to his parents, then looked back again, and Albus thought he was going to simply not answer again but then in a quiet voice he said:

"I can't."

"But if you could?"

"If I wasn't... I mean of course I would... but I can't."

"What if I were to tell you that you can?"

"How?" asked Remus, "are you a Healer?" he added warily, shuffling away slightly.

"No, I'm a teacher, a Headmaster actually. As for how, well, over the past few months the other teachers and I have been putting various safety measures in place to make sure than when you come to Hogwarts you will have a safe place to transform."

"It won't be safe," said Remus, "I've broken out of rooms before, in some of our old houses, I've never bitten anyone!" he added hurriedly, "but I can get out of locked rooms now, even rooms Dad locks by magic."

"Well, I'm not one to blow my own trumpet Remus, but I think that the charms I've placed on the building we have prepared for you will definitely be strong enough to hold against a transformed werewolf. The building is a little house a short way out from the village of Hogsmeade, which can be reached by a tunnel from the school grounds. The Herbology professor has also just ordered a Whomping Willow, which we will plant over the entrance to make sure nobody can get in."

Albus aimed a gobstone just to the left of one of Remus's.

"What's a Whomping Willow?" asked Remus, eyes alight with intrigue.

"A Whomping Willow is a type of tree which attacks anyone who comes near it by hitting them away with it's branches. I'm sure it will definitely be enough to keep people away from the tunnel.

Remus frowned, seeing the obvious problem with what Albus had just said.

"But," he said, "if the tree attacks anyone who comes near it, how am I going to get in?"

"Ah!" said Albus, sounding pleased, "well, a curious feature of Whomping Willows is that there is always one spot on the tree which, when pressed, will cause the tree to cease whomping for a minute or so. Enough time to allow someone to get past the tree's branches and into the tunnel."

"So... so it'll be safe then?" asked Hope, "he can really go to Hogwarts? And transform there and everything?"

"I give you my word, Hope, that it will be absolutely safe," he turned back to smile at Remus, who, for the first time, grinned back at him, his face at once filled with childishness and joy.

"And what will happen if it isn't?" asked Lyall, "what if, despite your best efforts, Remus still manages to escape, what if he bites someone?"

Remus's smile at once faded.

"In the extremely unlikely event that that should happen, then I will so all I can to make sure the blame is put on me rather than on Remus. But I must stress that should we all exercise reasonable caution, I cannot foresee any circumstances under which that should happen."

"I don't want to go," said Remus quietly, all of a sudden looking ill, "not if there's even a tiny chance I'll bite someone. Dad can teach me at home, I don't mind. I don't want to hurt anyone Mr Dumbledore."

"I understand perfectly," said Albus, "it's good that you care this much about not hurting people, it shows that you are a kind caring person. But it would be an awful shame for such a kind caring person as yourself to never get the chance to make any friends now wouldn't it?"

"No one would want to be friends with me."

"People always want to be friends with people who are clever and kind Remus."

"But no one wants to be friends with a werewolf," said Remus, Albus noticed it was the first time he had been able to bring himself to say the word 'werewolf'.

"Oh I don't think we need to tell the other students about your condition," said Albus.

"What, you mean lie?"

"Not exactly, but if necessary I would say that it would be perfectly reasonable for you to lie about the reason you have to leave school once a month."

Remus looked once again to his parents.

"Sometimes you have to lie Remus," said Lyall, "lying itself isn't bad, what matters is whether you're doing it to hurt someone or to protect someone."

"We want you to be safe at Hogwarts Remus," said Albus, "as well as everybody else."

"You remember we've talked about this Remus," said Lyall, "how we have to be careful not to let people find out about your condition because a lot of people are mean to people with lycanthropy even if they don't know them."

Remus nodded solemnly.

"But if you give people a chance to get to know you without knowing about your condition," said Hope, "then it gives them a chance to see whether they really like you or not. It lets them make up their mind about you by thinking about what kind of person you are, and I know that Professor Dumbledore is right, people will be dying to make friends with a kind, clever boy like you."

"So it can be a secret?" asked Remus, "and everyone can be safe?"

"Absolutely," said Albus.

"And what about... I... I often hurt myself on the full moon, and it makes me feel sick as well... will I..."

He was blushing again, and looking down at the floor, playing with the gobstones.

"Of course you won't have to come to lessons when you're not feeling well enough," said Dumbledore, "all the teachers will know about your condition so they'll know that you'll need some time off every month. And as for the work you'll miss, well at Hogwarts all our teachers are always more than happy to give a student help if they're falling behind on their work. All you'll have to do is go to them after a lesson or in their office and they'll be able to go through the work you've missed."

Remus nodded.

"At Hogwarts we also have a lovely school Healer," Albus continued, "her name is Madam Pomfrey, and she'll be able to take care of you when you're feeling sick or when you've hurt yourself. Would you like to meet her before you come to school in September?"

Remus looked at his parents again, his expression contained something more than nervousness, Albus could see it, it was panic.

"Uh... Remus hasn't exactly had the best experiences with Healers," explained Hope, "maybe it would be good to meet Madam Pomfrey here at home right Remus? Me and Dad will be here too."

"And I'll be here too Remus," said Albus, "I promise you Madam Pomfrey is an exceptionally kind lady and she will take excellent care of you when you're ill."

"Okay," said Remus.

"Excellent," said Albus brightly, "well, I think that just about covers everything. Of course there's probably something I've forgotten to tell you, so if you need to ask me anything just wrote to me. Address the letter to Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and it'll find me. Oh, speaking of letters..." he reached into his pocket again and withdrew a small envelope, "that's for you," he said, handing it to Remus.

Remus turned the letter over in his hands. On the back of it his name and address was written in green ink, which was surprising in itself given the fact that the house didn't have a name or number but was rather referred to as "The House on the Western Edge of Mr Gillingham's Dairy Farm". He turned it over again and opened the seal, pausing for a moment to run his finger over the Hogwarts Crest; a lion for Gryffindor, a badger for Hufflepuff, an eagle for Ravenclaw and a snake for Slytherin. He withdrew the letter carefully, prolonging the moment before he unfolded it. Albus watched Remus's lips move as his eyes moved down the page, his smile growing and growing until when he had finished he looked up at Albus beaming.

"I can really go then?" he breathed, "really?!"

Albus nodded.

"Mum? Dad? Can I go?"

Lyall and Hope nodded, grinning at their son, who immediately jumped up and ran over to the sofa, arms outstretched, to be enfolded into a tight hug by his parents. Wriggling free Remus turned back to Albus.

"Thank you," he said, "thank you so, so much, I can't believe it, I can really go then? Really? It's not a joke or a trick or a..."

"I'll expect to see you at Hogwarts on the first of September," smiled Albus.

At that the excitement became too much for Remus, and he exploded in laughter. It was unreal, he couldn't believe it!

"We really can't thank you enough for this," said Hope, tears in her eyes.

Lyall just shook his head muttering to himself in disbelief.

"I'll be in touch," said Albus, standing up "we'll arrange a time for Remus to meet Madam Pomfrey."

"That would be wonderful," said Hope, also rising from her seat to show Albus out, "thank you ever so much, I can't believe this!"

"Unbelievable," echoed Lyall, still shaking his head as he followed his wife and Albus.

Albus bade them good bye, turning back to wave at Remus as he closed the gate, who gave a little wave back from his bedroom window.


	2. Chapter 2

Lyall and Hope hadn't seen their son so happy since he was a toddler, a carefree toddler who had never known suffering. Every hour of the day Remus would be following Lyall around the house, bombarding him with questions about Hogwarts. Even the approaching full moon did little to damp Remus's spirits, and when Hope went up to his bedroom to fetch him down for dinner the night before the full moon she found him sitting on his bead once again reading over his letter, though he must have read it so many times by now that had it memorised.

By about halfway through his dinner Remus was struggling.

"Try to eat as much as you can dear," said Hope.

Remus nodded and ate another mouthful of mashed potato and peas.

Hope hated this, every month watching her son grow sick and knowing there was nothing she could do to stop it. Though of course this was nowhere near as bad as sitting up all night on the night of the full moon while her baby screamed and howled in the cellar bellow. Lyall always cast a silencing charm over the cellar of course, but Hope could hear him anyway, she could hear him in her head. And then the next morning she and Lyall would open the cellar door, make their way down the stone steps and find their son lying broken and bleeding on the floor. It was something no mother should have to go through. And it was something Remus should not have to go through either.

"I'm full," said Remus, bring Hope back to the present.

"That's okay Remus," said Lyall, "you did pretty well, why don't you ask Mum to read to you for a bit while I do the dishes?"

This was part of the routine they went through every month. By now Remus was more than old enough to read to himself, but on the days where he was ill and tired Hope would sit and read to him on the sofa after dinner while Remus lent against her, listening in silence, feeling the warmth of his mother's body and drawing what strength and safety he could from it.

After Lyall had finished cleaning up after dinner he came in and sat with them in equal silence, listening to his wife's voice and watching his son's pallid face as his eyelids began to droop. By the time Hope had finished the chapter Remus was barely awake.

"Early night for you young man I think," said Lyall, as Hope marked the page and put the book down on the table.

Remus "mmm"ed in assent but made no movement away from his mum. Hope could felt his forehead.

"He's very hot Lyall," she said quietly.

"I'll get some water," said Lyall, and he once again disappeared off to the kitchen, returning not only with a glass of water but also with a thermometer he had charmed years ago to work almost instantly instead of taking an age to reach the correct temperature as the muggle ones did.

Remus opened his mouth obediently and held it under his tongue. The liquid inside shot up and then stopped. Hope read off the temperature.

"One hundred and one," she said.

"Not too bad," said Lyall.

"D'you want to sleep in with us tonight?" Hope asked Remus.

"It's fine," said Remus, shaking his head, "I'll sleep in my bed."

"You know even though you're a big boy now you can still come and sleep in with us when you're feeling poorly," said Lyall.

"I'll sleep in my bed," said Remus determinedly.

Hope put Remus to bed and then came back downstairs where Lyall was sitting reading the Daily Prophet. He put it down immediately as his wife came in.

"Remus asleep?" he asked.

Hope nodded.

"Out like a light," she said, "I suppose he will have to start getting used to sleeping in his own bed if he's going to be going to Hogwarts."

"Mmm," said Lyall.

"D'you think he'll be alright Lyall?"

"He'll be in the hands of a trained Healer, that's something we can't give him."

"My mind will certainly be more at ease once I've met her."

"Mine too. I'll owl Dumbledore after the full moon."

"Are we doing the right thing Lyall? Letting him go?"

"He'll get a better education at Hogwarts than he could anywhere else."

"But what if he's unhappy there? What if he wants to come home when he's sick? What if the other children find out? What if they hurt him? What if he escapes?"

Lyall said nothing.

"Oh come on Lyall! You must be worried about him too!"

"Of course I am! Of course I worry about all of those things. I'm as confused and scared as you are Hope. I never thought he'd be _allowed_ to go to Hogwarts. I never thought we'd have to make any decisions like this, I thought everything had been decided for us when I was stupid enough to insult Fenrir Greyback!"

Lyall got up and started pacing, a habit which always got on Hope's nerves.

"Well, we should be happy then shouldn't we," she said, not sure whether she was trying to convince herself or her husband, "we should be grateful we've got a choice in the matter."

"A choice we're totally unprepared for!" exclaimed Lyall, "And now Remus's all excited about it... I don't have the heart to tell him he can't go Hope, I couldn't do it."

"He deserves it," sighed Hope, "God knows he deserves to be happy and excited about something for once."

"He's already going to hate me enough as it is when he finds out it was all my fault he was bitten."

"We can always bring him back home if he's unhappy there, or if his transformations get too bad."

By now Hope and Lyall were each definitely speaking more to themselves than to one another. They continued to spiral deeper and deeper down into their own tangled thoughts until a cry from upstairs snapped them back to their wits. They both hurried up the stairs and into Remus's bedroom, where their son was sitting up in bed, sweating, shaking and tangled up in his blankets.

"There there sweetie, it's okay, it was only a dream," said Hope, kneeling down beside Remus's bed and enfolding her son in her arms, "shh, it's okay, I'm here, we're both here, it's alright."

"I... bit... you," whispered Remus between choking sobs as he held onto his mother as tight as he could, burying his face in her chest.

"No you didn't honey, there there, it's okay."

Hope knelt there rubbing Remus's back until he had stopped sobbing and was breathing normally again. By now these nightmares were just another part of the routine.

"D'you want to come and sleep in with me and Dad?" Hope asked again.

This time Remus nodded. Lyall picked him up and carried him into the big bedroom and lay on the bed next to him while Hope brushed her teeth and got into her pyjamas, then Hope got into bed and Lyall did the same. Finally they were all in bed and Lyall turned off all the lights in the house with a wave of his wand. Remus lay between them.

"Can I really go to Hogwarts?" he asked.

"Of course you can," said Hope, catching her husband's eye in the darkness.

"Of course," said Lyall.


	3. Chapter 3

The weather in the British Isles is notorious for delighting in giving it's inhabitants the worst of both worlds. By mid March it had decided that in order to signal that spring was on it's way it should provide a few April showers. However since it was after all only mid March the rain still had the freezing chill of winter. For this reason there was no dawdling on the doorstep the next time Albus Dumbledore visiting the Lupins' home. The narrow corridor was a tangle of cloaks and people and umbrellas as introductions were made and drying charms cast. Remus looked on from the edge of the mayhem, his eyes fixed on the young witch in the brown cloak and pale blue robes. Albus was the first to break out of the chaos, he strode up to Remus and shook his hand.

"Hello again Remus, how are you? How was your birthday?"

"It was good thank you," said Remus.

The tenth of March this year had fallen only a couple of days after the full moon. That, combined with the bad weather which had chosen that day to launch it's assault on the hills of the Peak District, had meant that Remus's birthday had consisted mainly of sitting at home playing wizard's chess and cluedo and of course gobstones, and eating cake, something Remus was not inclined to complain about, especially since he wasn't feeling up to much else at the time.

Dumbledore smiled, the wrinkles around his eyes deepening in a way that pleased Remus.

"There's tea and biscuits in the living room," said Hope, as she emerged from the tangle along with Madam Pomfrey, leaving Lyall to sort out the shoe and umbrella avalanche that had caused most of the confusion.

"Excellent," said Albus, and he gestured for Remus to through the door before him.

As they drank they're tea Remus's parents made conversation with madam Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore.

"...I didn't really like St. Mungo's," Madam Pomfrey explained, "I did my training there. By the end of the first month I was in tears and telling my mum I wanted to pack it in, but she told me to stick with it and I'm glad I did. I have always wanted to be a Healer, but my expectations of the job were very different from the reality. I went into Healing because I wanted to help people but most Healers there didn't seem to care about the patients at all. Seems paradoxical doesn't it? I don't know whether they started out like that or whether so many years in that place destroyed their ability to feel anything for the people they were treating. One of my mentors actually told me my biggest weakness was that I couldn't distance myself from my patients, and that's probably true but I didn't want to work somewhere where that was a weakness. So when I heard that the old Hogwarts Matron was retiring I had my application in straight away. Coming back to Hogwarts was wonderful, to me it was even more wonderful that going for the first time because by then I missed it so much. That's the thing about Hogwarts, it's not like anywhere else in the world, so it's sort of a haven for misfits of all sorts. Even if you don't feel like you'll ever belong anywhere else you can belong at Hogwarts. I wasn't cut out for St. Mungo's, and maybe it was because I was weak or maybe just because I was different, but either way it doesn't matter because I'm back at Hogwarts now."

By the time she started talking about belonging Remus knew Madam Pomfrey was speaking directly to him. He could feel himself going red and cast around for something to say, eventually coming up with "did you like Hogwarts then?" which he immediately realised sounded truly lame, but Madam Pomfrey seized on it and continued to speak.

"I loved it," she said, "and you'll love it too. I've never met anyone who hasn't loved Hogwarts. Your condition shouldn't be too much of a problem. You'll just need to come to the Hospital Wing about an hour or so before moonrise so that we have plenty of time, or earlier if you're feeling ill, and then we can go down to the Whomping Willow together and we can go through the tunnel into the house Professor Dumbledore has arranged for you. Then I'll come back and get you first thing in the morning and I'll heal any injuries you've got and you can rest up in the Hospital Wing until you're well enough to go back to lessons."

"Thank you," said Remus, again thinking of nothing better to say.

"Is there anything you'd like to ask Remus?" asked Professor Dumbledore, "any questions about Hogwarts or anything you're concerned about?"

Remus thought for a second.

"I don't think so," he said, "I think... I think Madam Pomfrey's explained everything."

"Good," said Dumbledore, "I'll look forward to seeing you at Hogwarts."

"I'll look forward to coming," smiled Remus, "thank you," he said again, "really, thanks."


	4. Chapter 4

She was wearing an expensive looking set of deep purple witch's robes, and her luxuriously thick brown hair curled wildly down to her waist. A pale hand reached up and tucked a few strands of it behind her ear as she perused the tattered book she held in the other. From the back she looked like the archetypal witch depicted in the muggle stories of Ted's childhood, mysterious, commanding, graceful with just a dash of pure savage. And to Ted she looked completely and utterly sexy.

Taking a quick look around to check no one could see them he approached her. She didn't notice him, she was still absorbed in the book. He cleared his throat and then, putting on a deep rough voice said:

"Andromeda Black!"

The witch started, dropping the book and spinning around, that wild hair of hers fanning out and actually striking Ted across the face. Oh well, Ted thought, he probably deserved it.

"Ted! Merlin you scared wits out of me! Don't _do_ that!" she exclaimed, hitting him hard on the shoulder on the "do".

Come on, Ted thought, I probably didn't deserve _that_.

"Oi!" he laughed, "you already slapped me once with that crazy wicked witch hair of yours!"

"You've got a thing for crazy wicked witch hair and you know it Edward," teased Andromeda in a mock stern voice, but losing it halfway through.

"What's that meant to be? You're McGonagall impression?" laughed Ted, "pathetic."

"Do you want another slap Tonks? Or will it be a stinging hex to the balls this time?"

"Just a kiss for me thanks this time," grinned Ted, opening his arms up for his girlfriend, "Come on, no one's watching, it's not like any self respecting member of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black is going to be lurking in a shitty second hand bookshop right?"

"One kiss Ted, and then that's all you're getting for a month," said Andromeda, walking into his outstretched arms and planting his lips on his.

Ted kissed her back vigorously, messing up her hair because he knew it would annoy her, and because he liked the feel of it. Andromeda closed her eyes and the whole world disappeared around her. No parents, no sisters, no family whatsoever, no purebloods, no muggleborns, no houses, just pure and utter...

"Urgh!"

Andromeda and Ted pulled apart at once and turned to face whoever had made that noise. Andromeda's heart faltered as panic rapidly filled the nothingness, only to sigh in relief at the sight of a young boy with glossy black hair and a face wrinkled in disgust.

"Bleugh! That's _gross!_"

The proceeded to begin making retching noises and miming vomiting onto the floor in front of them.

"It's alright Ted, it's only Sirius," said Andromeda, "Sirius, _Sirius,_ shut _up!_"

"Why?" asked Sirius, stopping his vomiting act and straightening up, he looked up at Andromeda and Ted in haughty defiance for a moment before something seemed to dawn on him and his eyes widened in realisation, "oh! Is he the..." he cupped his hands around his mouth and stage whispered, "_muggleborn?"_

Andromeda looked apologetically at Ted for a moment, but he looked more amused than offended by what Sirius had said so she turned back to her cousin.

"Yes, this is Ted," she said quietly, "listen, are the others here? Your parents? My parents? Bellatrix?"

"No," scoffed Sirius loudly, "what? You really think _they_ would be seen in a place like _this_."

He wrinkled his nose in a more mild version of his disgust on seeing Andromeda kissing Ted. Andromeda really wished her cousin would learn the art of lowering his voice.

"I'm Sirius by the way," said Sirius, extending his hand to Ted with an air of confidence that only comes in one so young from an ingrained sense of superiority, "I'm Andromeda's favourite cousin, which isn't saying much really as it's either me or my goody-two-shoes brother Regulus, but I'm better than Bellatrix and Narcissa too."

Ted shook his hand.

"Well, nice to finally meet you Sirius," said Ted, shaking the kid's hand, "Andy's told me a lot about you."

"She's told _me_ a lot about _you_," said Sirius, "she says you've got a _notorbike_."

"I've got a motorbike if that's what you mean," said Ted.

"Yeah that's it, 'motorbike'. Can I see it? Can I have a go on it?"

"Well I 'aven't got it with me today I'm afraid but maybe Andy can bring you round to my house and can take you for a little spin on one day?"

"Wow! Really? _Cool!_ Can you take me tomorrow Andromeda? Please? Please? Please? Please? Pl..."

"One day," said Andromeda.

"Pleeeeeeeease? I said please! Come on Andy! And I haven't said then 'm' word in over a _year_ now except once or twice but that was by accident and I only said it to Regulus. Pleeeeeeease?"

"I'll take you before the end of the holidays, I promise," said Andromeda, "not tomorrow though, I'll need some time to think of an excuse and ask our parents."

"You're the best Andromeda."

"I know, now why don't you go back to wherever you're meant to be eh?"

"Because I'm _meant_ to be in the Flourish and Blotts and it was boring in there and then mother started talking to the Lestranges so they'll be there for _ages_."

"Ah but if you stay here then you'll have to watch me and Ted _snogging_," teased Andromeda.

Then she turned back to Ted, clamped her hands on either side of his face and... well, picked up where they left off. Well, since this is already happening I might as well go with it, thought Ted, and he kissed her back with twice the ferocity as before. Sirius was making the retching noises once more, Ted opened his eyes briefly to see Andromeda's eyes wrinkled with joy. The retching noises grew fainter and then they heard the tinkle of the bell on the shop door. They were alone.

They kissed passionately until Ted sensed that he was losing Andromeda. He drew back and saw that her dark eyes were filled with sadness. Andromeda expressed all her emotions through her eyes and held all her other features in perfect aloof neutrality. It was one of the things she had learnt from growing up in a huge twisted viper's nest that was her family, and she had learnt it so well that to most people she could pass off as just another stuck-up unfeeling Black, but Ted knew that beneath those steady lips and impassive face lay a person who was capable of enormous feeling. It hurt her, and it hurt him to watch.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Merlin I hope he doesn't get put in Slytherin," breathed Andromeda.

"Hey, come on now, there's nothing wrong with Slytherin," said Ted firmly.

"There is though! There's something immensely fucked up about a House full of power hungry, selfish, elitist, deceitful..."

"Dromeda, Dromeda, stop."

"Look it's easy for you stand there and say Slytherin's not all that bad Ted, _you_ didn't have go through _seven years_ of it. I just want one of us, _one_ of us, to turn out alright."

"What are you on about? You turned out alright didn't you? More than alright I'd say! And as for Sirius, he seems like a sound kid."

"He is," said Andromeda, "that's why I just want him to have a good start, to have the chance to be something other than just another fucked up inbred mess of a..."

"Dromeda, please, enough of the self-hatred alright? You are honestly the most wonderful person I have ever met. You're as brave as any Gryffindor, you're as smart as any Ravenclaw, but right now you're acting as thick as a sodding Hufflepuff!"

Andromeda laughed softly.

"You make me laugh at all the wrong moments Ted."

"There's never a wrong moment to laugh Dromeda."

"He is a good kid," said Andromeda again.

"And he hasn't said mudblood in over a year," grinned Ted, "since we've been going out in fact..."

"Shut up Ted! I just didn't want him to go in making enemies on his first day, he's not like the rest of them but they're all he knows. He doesn't buy all their blood purist nonsense, for Merlin's sake he's barely at an age where he can understand their blood purist nonsense! That's why he needed help, he needed to learn how to recognise it and know that it's wrong. And if I didn't teach him then who else was going too?!" she added almost defensively, "I was too late to save Cissy, but Sirius, Sirius has a rebellious spirit, always has. He doesn't know what he's rebelling against yet but so long as he's channelling it all in the right direction isn't that a good thing?"

"Andromeda, I honestly think Sirius could not have hoped for a better cousin than you. And you know what, I'd wager anything that kids gonna turned out to be a cocky little Gryffindor."

"Merlin, Aunt Walburga would flip her cauldron lid!" laughed Andromeda, "d'you really think so?"

"What shall we make it? A galleon?"

"I am not betting on my cousin's Sorting Ted!"

"You're just afraid of losing your money," said Ted, "look, you'd have to be idiot to bet that a Black who wanted to ride a muggleborn's motorbike would end up in Slytherin."

Andromeda laughed again.

"I love you Ted," she said.

"You can never say it without laughing can you?" said Ted, pretending to be put out.

"Hey! You were the one who said there was never a wrong time to laugh!" protested Andromeda.

"Damn you and your sly Slytherin ways," said Ted, slipping his arms around her again and kissing her neck and her cheek and her ear, "taking advantage of a poor dopey Hufflepuff."


	5. Chapter 5

As soon as Remus burst through the barrier and onto platform nine and three quarters he knew he was somewhere special. The very air was buzzing with magic. In every direction children and teenagers and their parents were running about in a last minute fluster, calling out to friends and exchanging final hugs. Owls were shrieking, cats mewing, and there was even the odd small explosion which made Remus jump. He had never been among so many people before, let alone so many children his own age.

"Come on Remus, no time to dawdle if you want to get a seat," said Lyall, taking Remus hand and chivvying him along towards the far end of the platform.

Remus allowed himself to be lead by his father but his eyes were still focussed on anywhere but where he was walking. He turned his head to look in every direction, trying to take in as much of the scene as possible, even though at the same time he felt so overwhelmed by it all that he thought get swallowed up by it.

"Alright Remus this carriage look like it's still pretty empty," Remus's dad was saying, it took Remus a couple of seconds to realise he was speaking again, "now listen to me, you be a good boy and have _fun_ alright. Listen to your teachers, do all of your homework," he bent down so that his mouth was level with Remus's air and lowered his voice, "and remember to go to the matron before the full moon okay? We'll write to you to make sure you're alright," he gave Remus's shoulder an affection squeeze, "and remember that if there are any problems or if there's anything you're not sure of all you have to do is go to see Professor Dumbledore okay?"

"Okay," said Remus.

"We love you Remus," said Lyall, drawing his son into his chest, "me and your mum both. And we're _so_ proud of you, not because you're going to Hogwarts but because of who you are. You _deserve_ this Remus, all you have to do is show everyone that you are the kind, clever, caring young man I know you are."

"Yes dad," said Remus, his voice slightly muffled by his Dad's jumper.

"And whatever you do be safe alright?" said Lyall, holding his son slightly away from him so that he could look him in the eye, as he did so Remus saw he had been crying, "Look after yourself, remember the other children won't know that you're ill so they might want to play rough games and things like that so it's up to you to make sure you let yourself heal properly after the full moon okay?

"I will," said Remus, feeling ever so slightly more threatened by the throng of children surrounding him.

"Good lad," smiled Lyall, "come on, let's get your trunk on the train."

Remus's dad carried his trunk onto the train for him and put it in the already half full luggage compartment, then the two of them walked down the carriage looking for a compartment. They found one with only a single occupant, a short pudgy boy with blonde hair who was biting his nails.

"There you go Remus, he looks like a first year too, why don't you go and sit with him," said Lyall, opening the door and ushering Remus into the compartment, the pudgy boy abruptly stopped biting mid-nail and looked up at them but didn't say anything.

"See you at Christmas then Remus," said Lyall, giving his son another brief hug, "write to us as soon as you get the chance and let us know what House you're in."

"Okay," said Remus, "Bye."

"Bye," said Lyall, giving a warm smile which faded quickly into a look Remus had often seen his father wearing, it was hard to describe even in his own mind, especially since he was only an eleven year old who knew next to nothing of the world and it's subtle tragedies, he only knew that when his father wore that look on his face it meant he had to do his best to act happy, and this time _was_ happy, so he gave his broadest grin and waved to him as he left the compartment.

He had almost forgotten about the other boy.

"Are... are you a first year too?" asked the boy, reminding Remus of his presence.

"Um, yes," said Remus, "yeah, my names Remus. Umm... do you mind if I sit with you?"

"No, n-not at all, my name's Peter."

Remus sat down, and there followed an awkward silence which Peter decided to fill by biting off the other half of his nail. Remus watched him, perhaps too obviously for after couple of seconds Peter lowered his hand uncomfortably.

"My mum and dad say I shouldn't do that," he laughed nervously, "when I was little they use to put a charm on my nails to make 'em taste funny, but I must be weird 'cause I liked the taste so they gave up in the end."

Remus couldn't think of anything to say in response and Peter went red, clearly thinking he had bored Remus with his story. Remus hurriedly tried to drum up a response to assure him that he hadn't, he seemed like a nice boy after all, and if he wanted to make friends Peter seemed like a good person to start with.

"My mum and dad are always telling me things like that too," he said, "they're always worried I'll hurt myself playing and stuff."

"It's... it's probably the same with all parents," said Peter, with that little nervous laugh again.

"Yeah, probably," said Remus, although he had no way of knowing, "are you excited to be going to Hogwarts then?"

"Yeah!" said Peter, "kind of nervous too though."

"It is all kind of scary isn't it," said Remus, glad he wasn't the only one nervous about starting school.

"Yeah, I think I'm most worried about the Sorting."

"How come?" asked Remus, surprised that that was what Peter was most worried about.

Peter blushed and began to fidget with his hands as he answered.

"Well, you know... what if I get dumped in Hufflepuff? I'm rubbish at everything, I'm bound to get put in the stupid House."

"My dad says Hufflepuff's as good as any other House, he says Hufflepuffs are normally really kind and make good friends... I think I'd like to be in Hufflepuff."

"What House does your dad want you to be in?" asked Peter.

That seemed like an odd question.

"I... I don't know," said Remus, "he never said anything about it."

"What? Never? What about your mum?"

"My mum's a muggle, she doesn't know much about the Houses except for what my dad told her, but I think they're both just happy I'm going, I don't think they really mind what House I'm in."

"Lucky," said Peter, "both my parents we're in Gryffindor, and most of the rest of my family too, they want me to be like them, and my cousins will laugh at me forever I get put in Hufflepuff. They told me you have to fight a Dark creature, knowing my luck I'll probably get a dragon or something," said Peter unhappily.

"Wow," said Remus, "my dad told me you just have to try on a Hat."

Peter looked up confused and hopeful.

"It's called the Sorting Hat apparently, the founders of Hogwarts enchanted it so that it can look inside your head and tell what kind of a person you are and that's how it decides where to put you."

"Really?" asked Peter, "you think my cousins were lying then?"

"I think so," said Remus, "After my dad told me about it he got me this book called Hogwarts a History and in the chapter about the Houses it definitely said that since the death of the four founders students have been Sorted by the Sorting Hat."

"Those lying trolls!" exclaimed Peter, "they were making me worried on purpose!"

"I'm sorry," said Remus.

"_You_ don't need to be sorry," said Peter, "I so glad you told me the truth, at least that's one less thing to worry about now. It'll be easier to be brave trying on a Hat than to be brave fighting a dragon or something that's for sure."

A whistle went and the train pulled away from the platform. As the train chugged along the conversation between the two shy boys became easier, and Remus found himself hoping that wherever he was Sorted he would be in the same House as Peter. To be honest he didn't share Peter's desire to be in Gryffindor. He knew he wasn't strong and brave and he was perfectly content with that. He might quite like to be in Ravenclaw, he didn't think he was stupid but doubted that he was cleverer than average. Hufflepuff sounded like the House for him, from the sound of it if you were Sorted into Ravenclaw or Gryffindor people expected a lot of you, but Remus didn't want that, he'd much prefer to be allowed to hide in the background, get the best grades he could and make a few good friends. He didn't want any more than that, just being allowed to go to Hogwarts was a dream he had never even dared to dream of come true. The only House he really hoped he wasn't put into was Slytherin. Though his father had never said a word against that House he knew from his avid research into the school that Slytherin was notorious for it's connection with the Dark Arts, it had turned out more Dark wizards and witches than any other House, and if there was one thing Remus never wanted to become it was a Dark wizard. He had promised himself a long time ago, as soon as he was old enough to understand how one became a werewolf, that he would never bite anyone. He wasn't angry at the werewolf who bit him, he knew from experience that at the time they wouldn't have been in control of his or her actions, that it wasn't their fault. In fact he felt sorry for that person, he felt sorry for them that they didn't have anywhere to transform safely, that they didn't have anyone to make sure they didn't escape and to take care of them the next morning. He knew he was lucky to have his parents, and he must be the luckiest werewolf in History to be coming to Hogwarts as well. He knew he had to make the most of it.

Remus and Peter were soon joined by a group of girls a few years older than them.

"There's space in this one Dorothy, Clara" called the first girl, opening the door and calling back to her friends, "there's only a couple of first years."

Remus wondered for a moment how the girl knew they were first years, but then it dawned on him how small and nervous he and Peter must look compared to the older students who were returning to Hogwarts rather than making the journey for the first time.

Dorothy and Clara followed the first girl into the compartment and sat down, picking up a conversation they had been having in the corridor about Clara's holiday to India and ignoring Remus and Peter. The two of them carried on with their own conversation in quiet voices so as not to annoy the girls. When the trolley came round with sweets and snacks they each bought a chocolate frog and Peter also bought a pumpkin pasty. Remus's mum had made him a sandwich which he ate before the chocolate frog. Peter had a packed lunch too but he ate his sweets first, something which Remus had never been allowed to do. Peter said he wasn't allowed to do it either but his parents would never find out so it didn't matter. Remus laughed but said he would still prefer to save his chocolate frog for afterwards, he always liked saving his favourite food until last.

Another hour or two passed and one of the girls, Dorothy, Remus thought, turned to the pair of them and told them kindly that they should get changed into their robes now, that they could change in the toilet at the end of the carriage and that they were going to get changed in here so they weren't to come back in until they pulled the blind back up on the little window in the compartment door.

Peter and Remus did as the girl told them. And after that it wasn't long until the train started to slow down and they pulled up at a station. The sign on the platform read "Hogsmeade", they were there.

"Leave your trunks on the train," said the girl who was neither Dorothy nor Clara, just go and follow Hagrid, he's a big bloke, you can't miss him."

Deciding to trust the girl's loose instructions Remus and Peter battled their way through the corridor and stepped down onto the platform. The pair of them were immediately swept along by a great deluge of students, all much taller than them. Remus felt Peter grab onto his robes and he took his hand, he really didn't want to get separated now. He looked around frantically for this Hagrid, the girl had said he couldn't miss him but seeing as even on his tiptoes he was at least a head shorter than most students he was beginning to think that it would be very possible to miss him indeed.

"Firs' years over 'ere!" called a voice, and Remus grinned to Peter in relief.

The two of them made their way towards the voice, and they had not gone more than a couple of yards when Remus realised that the girl had been right. When she had described Hagrid as a "big bloke" Remus had simply imagined a very tall man, but Hagrid must have been twice the height of Remus's dad, towering over the sea of students, his face, largely covered by a great black beard, illuminated by the lantern he was waving to attract the attention of the confused first years.

"Yous two firs' years?" he asked Remus and Peter.

"Yes Sir," said Remus.

"Ah you don't need any o' that 'Sir' business wi' me lad, call me Hagrid, stand over there wi' the rest o' the firs' years and we'll be on the move in a minute."

Remus and Peter joined the crowd of first years who were huddled into the edge of the platform trying not to get trampled by the hoard of passing students. When the platform had cleared Hagrid lead the first years down a path towards the edge of an enormous lake, where several small rowing boats were moored.

"Four to a boat!" called Hagrid.

Remus and Peter nervously climbed into a boat. It wobbled as they got in.

"Have you ever been on a boat before?" Remus asked Peter.

"Once," said Peter, "on holiday summer before last... I fell in."

That sentiment did not reassure Remus so he decided to just stay as still as possible on the seat in the middle of the boat, which looked the safest.

"Oi! James! There's space over here!" called a boy with chin length black hair, all but jumping into Remus and Peter's boat, making it rock in a way neither boy liked. They both gripped to the side of the boat, hoping they wouldn't capsize.

"Excellent!" called back another black haired boy who must have been James, as he came running over and vaulted, as the first boy had done into the boat.

Remus bit his lip and gripped the rim of the boat tighter.

"Who are these guys?" James asked the first boy.

"I don't know," said the first boy, "who are you?" he demanded, turning to Remus and Peter.

"Remus Lupin," said Remus, there was something authoritative in the way the boy spoke that made him give his full name automatically.

"P-P-Peter P-Pettigrew," said Peter.

"P-P-P-P-Peter P-P-P-P-Pettigrew!" mimicked both boys simultaneously, and they both started laughing, which Remus didn't think was very kind.

Peter went bright red and began to bite another of his nails.

"Oh we're just messing around," said James, waving his hand dismissively at Peter, "come on, lighten up, don't tell me you're another one who can't take a little joke. My name's James P-P-P-P-Potter."

"And I'm Sirius," said the first boy, "and I won't bother to tell you my surname because if all goes to plan I'm about to be disowned."

"Gryffindor here we come!" yelled James, hi-fiving Sirius.

Remus was puzzled and was wondering whether or not to ask what the plan was and why Sirius was going to be disowned when Peter spoke.

"You... you want to be in Gryffindor?" asked Peter.

"We're _going_ to be in Gryffindor," James corrected him, and for the first time Remus thought he saw Sirius looking not quite as sure of himself as James, "what about you two?"

"I want to be in Gryffindor too," said Peter eagerly.

"Well, good luck I suppose," said James.

There was something in the way he said it that made Remus think James doubted Peter would get into Gryffindor, but maybe he was imagining it because Peter didn't seem to pick up on anything like that. But now James was asking him which House he wanted to be in. Not wanting to be mocked he said:

"I don't mind really, Gryffindor sounds quite good."

"How can you '_not mind'_?!" exclaimed Sirius, "the entire _rest of your life_ depends on what House you're Sorted into! How can you _'not mind'_?"

"Uh... I don't know," said Remus, starting to think that maybe he should be concentrating more on choosing a House to try to get into, "I just don't really mind as long as I'm not in Slytherin."

"Well at least you're better than that boy with the big nose and that redhead girl on the train then," said James, "they actually _wanted_ to be in Slytherin. Can you imagined that?!"

"No," said Remus and Peter, shaking their heads.

Hagrid shouted something, but it was indistinguishable amongst all the excited chatter and the sounds of nature coming from the lake and the nearby woodland, then all of a sudden the boats started moving, taking Peter and Remus by surprise. They gripped the side of the boat again.

"Merlin you two are a pair of scaredy-cats aren't you," said James, "come on, you've got to be daring if you want to be in Gryffindor, come on let's try and capsize!"

"No!" exclaimed Remus and Peter, and, to Remus's surprise, Sirius.

James was evidently as surprised as Remus was by Sirius's outburst and he looked at him in enquiringly.

"I can't swim," he admitted shamefaced, "my parents never taught me, they said a wizard would never need to."

"But swimming's _fun_!" James protested, "it's not a matter of needing too, my mum and dad always took me swimming loads down at the river near my house, and in the summer we'd always go to the beach on weekends and swim in the sea."

"Yeah my parents are strict and boring," said Sirius, "what about you two?" he asked, quickly diverting James's attention to Remus and Peter.

"I can a bit," said Peter defensively, "not very well though, and besides, my cousins told me there are all sorts of monsters in this lake."

"Yeah my mum and dad told me that," said James, "but I think they were just lying to try and make me stay away from it, but I'm definitely going to have to ignore them now if I'm going to teach the pair of you how to swim. What about you... Remus was it?"

"I can't swim either," said Remus, swimming was one of the many things his parents had always considered too dangerous for Remus to do, and consequently he had never learned, now that he was sitting in a tiny boat in the middle of a vast monster-infested lake though Remus was certain that it would have been 'safer' for him to have been taught in a less dangerous environment.

"Merlin," said James, right, by the end of this year you're all going to know how to swim whether you like it or not."

"But... what about the monsters?" said Peter quietly, but before anyone answered him Hagrid called out again that they would soon get their first glimpse of Hogwarts castle.

The hill they were passing retreated and there it was, grand and forbidding, the lights inside twinkling and welcoming. Remus was awestruck. He left it up to Peter, James and Sirius to voice the only thought that occupied his head.

"Wow..."

He was here. He was actually here. Months on end of reading and re-reading that letter, a trip to Diagon Alley, ticking off one by one everything on his list of required items, a train journey which had lasted hours and finally he was here... and he wasn't ready.

The castle grew larger and higher as they approached, and Remus had to lean his head further and further back, afraid to look away from it lest it disappear.

"Are you alright?" asked Peter quietly into his ear, so that James and Sirius would not hear.

"Yes," said Remus, though he could feel cold slimy fingers squeezing his stomach, "just nervous."

The four boys got out of the boat and rejoined the troop of students following Hagrid and his lantern up another steep path, losing sight of the castle for a long panic-inducing moment before, to Remus's enormous relief, it appeared again, stony and solid, rising proudly out of the ground. Remus's eyes wandered up to the top of the highest tower, he wondered how high it was, if anyone could survive falling off of it. The thought made the slimy fingers clench and he tripped over something, falling into the boy in front of him.

"Sorry!" he said hastily.

"Watch where you're going," snapped the boy, getting up and brushing himself off.

"I'm sorry," Remus repeated lamely, but the boy had already marched off to catch up to a girl with ginger hair who stood waiting for him.

The boy leaned in to say something to the girl and the girl turned around to offer Remus a small smile. Remus mouthed opened his mouth to apologise again but Sirius stole the words from his mouth by slapping him on the back.

"Nice one!" he said, "brilliant! Now Snivellus'll be covered in mud for the Sorting!"

"I didn't do it on purpose!" Remus protested, "I tripped."

"You tripped on the right person though didn't you?" said James.

"I didn't mean to trip at all! I haven't even met that boy."

"Yeah well count yourself lucky then," said James, "he's the prick who wanted to be Sorted into Slytherin, and that ginger girl's his stuck-up girlfriend."

Remus was still trying to convince James and Sirius that he didn't push 'Snivellus' into the mud on purpose when they arrived in the entrance hall and everyone suddenly stopped and fell silent. Looking up, Remus saw why.

In front of them stood a forbidding looking black-haired woman, her lips pursed and her eyes roving over the crowd of boys and girls as if looking for some misbehaver to pounce on. Remus closed his mouth abruptly and turned to face her, standing to attention and hoping that she wouldn't tell him off for being one of the last to stop talking.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," said the woman, her kind smile in no way reducing the severity of her appearance, "my name is Professor McGonagall, and I am the Deputy Headmistress and Head of Gryffindor House. Through these doors is the Great Hall of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a prestigious institution for the study of magic, with a long and rich history. By attending this school you are all becoming part of that history and it is up to you do this school justice, just as we as teachers aim to do you justice. While you are at Hogwarts will also be aiming to do your House justice. When you walk through these doors you will be sorted into one of four Houses, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw or Slytherin. While you are at Hogwarts your House Common Room and your dormitory will be your home, and your Housemates will be your family. Each year these four Houses compete for the House Cup. Good work in and outside of lessons will earn you House points, conversely any rule breaking will lose you points. At the end of the year the points are counted up and whichever House has the most points wins the Cup. Now, the Sorting will take place in front of the entire school so I would advise you to take a minute to neaten yourselves up a bit."

Professor McGonagall's eyes wandered to 'Snivellus' and without warning, she drew her wand and waved it at him, Remus thought for a moment that she was going to curse him for having muddy robes and he was just opening his mouth to explain that it was his fault, but all that happened was the mud vanished from 'Snivellus's robes.

"Everybody ready?" she asked, her thin black eyebrows arching, "good," she said when no one replied, and she waved her wand once more and the double doors behind her opened to reveal the Great Hall, "now follow me."

The Great Hall of Hogwarts was if anything even more impressive than the outside of the castle. Remus was wary of looking around too much after the incident with 'Snivellus' but he couldn't resist gazing up at the enchanted ceiling his dad had told him about. Candles floated in swirls and puffs of dark grey cloud, and in the clear patches a few stars were beginning to peak through. He brought his attention back to ground level, looking ahead of him towards a raised table where the teachers sat in they're grand robes, observing the new students as the filed in behind Professor McGonagall. In the middle of the table sat Professor Dumbledore, with his long white hair and beard, and to his right was an empty chair which Remus supposed as reserved for Professor McGonagall, given her position as Deputy Headmistress. Professor McGonagall stopped and the students once again came to a clumsy halt. A few students began to whisper to one another before a look from Professor McGonagall once again cast silence over them all. In front of him James and Sirius where in their tiptoes, looking over the heads of the students in front of them. Remus shuffled to the side so that he could see between their heads, and raising his heels off the ground he could see the point of a battered old wizard's hat. He smiled at Peter. Now the whole hall was silent, not just the first years, and then all of a sudden the hat burst into song.

The sing explained the traits of the four Hogwarts Houses and the process of the Sorting in a much more upbeat way than Professor McGonagall had, and when it had done there was a huge round of applause, and Professor McGonagall stepped up beside it, unfurling a scroll of parchment and peering at it through her glasses.

"Acclesfield, Rachel," she called, and a girl with dark brown hair braided into two neat plaits fought her way out from the middle of the crowd.

Professor McGonagall waved her up to the little three-legged stool the Sorting Hat had been sitting on and placed it on top of her head. It fell down over her eyes so that her freckled nose poked out under the rim.

There was about half a minute of tense silence before the Hat shouted "RAVENCLAW!" and Professor McGonagall lifted the Hat up of Rachel Acclesfield's head, and the girl hopped down off the school, grinning with delight, and made her way towards the cheering Ravenclaw table.

Several more students were called, some taking a good couple of minutes to Sort, others taking mere seconds. Soon Professor McGonagall had moved onto the 'B's and Remus noted Sirius shifting from foot to foot in front of him, breathing deeply, then Professor McGonagall called "Sirius Black" and James patted Sirius on the back as Sirius walked forward through the crowd up to the stool.


	6. Chapter 6

Sirius walked up to the stool as if he had all the confidence a Black should have. Shoulders back, chin up, just as his parents always told him. He did it subconsciously, and if he realised he was doing as his parents had always told him he probably would have instantly slumped his shoulders and cast his head to the ground, but for now his movements were automatic, the stool was drawing closer and there was nothing he could do about it. He kept his face still, but he could feel the sweat forming around his hairline. He kept his pace steady, but legs felt weak under him and it was almost a relief to sit down and to have the hat fall down on his head and block out the world. He swallowed and filled his mind with the only two words that meant anything at that moment "Not Slytherin."

"_Not Slytherin eh? With your quick mind natural charm you could rise to the very top very quickly... and Slytherin could help you there..."_

"_I don't care. I don't want to rise to the top I just want to make friends and have fun, what's so wrong with wanting that? What's so wrong with wanting to be happy instead of just 'successful'? Andromeda hated Slytherin, it made her miserable because she's a good person. And I know I'm a good person too... even if I'm not all that good being good yet."_

"_I have been looking inside humans' heads for centuries, and let me tell you now that when I Sort people 'good' and 'bad' rarely come into it. They are far too vague concepts to vase any proper decision on and I have never Sorted anyone who did contain the capacity to do both good and evil. It is simply a matter of choice."_

"_Then let me choose, let me choose not to be in Slytherin, I don't care where else you put me... please?"_

"_You have a sharp mind Sirius Black, courage too, and a surprising capacity for loyalty... even if you have not had the best track record so far on that front..."_

"_Only because I don't know anyone worth being loyal to, besides Andromeda and Regulus, and I've kept Andromeda's secret haven't I? And as for Regulus... I do my best... I protect him."_

"_Ah, now I see it..."_

"_See what?"_

"_Above all else, Sirius Black is a brother. It is clear as day where you belong..."_

"GRYFFINDOR!" the Hat shouted, and Sirius was once again thrust into the brightness of the Great Hall.

Every Sorting so far had been followed by moderately enthusiastic applause, especially from whichever House had just gained a new student. But this time only a few students clapped, mainly the huddle of first years who didn't know any better, and even they stopped clapping after a few seconds, after a whisper in the ear or simply looking around and realising that every face in the room was fixed on Sirius in shocked silence.

"BLOOD TRAITOR!" yelled someone from the Slytherin table.

Sirius looked over and saw that it was Lucius Malfoy, a friend of the family's, a few seats along from him was Narcissa, her pale cheeks flushed red with shame, her eyes wide in anger and disbelief.

Suddenly a loud clap resonated from behind Sirius, followed by another, and another. Sirius jumped and looked around to see that Professor Dumbledore had risen from his seat and was clapping loudly, he was soon followed by several of the other Professors, and then Sirius heard an enormous "WHOOP!" from behind him. He turned back around and saw James jumping and cheering, and Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew at his side following his lead, though clearly they had no idea what was going on. Gradually students from the Gryffindor table began to clap as well, followed closely by several Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. Soon the cheering nearly drowned out the boos from all four House tables and the blood purist slurs from the Slytherins... nearly.

Professor McGonagall gave Sirius a smile and nodded him in the direction of the Gryffindor table. Sirius made the effort to walk proud and tall. And as he walked it became easier and easier, a grin spread across his face, a real uncontrollable grin. He felt giddy, the ground underneath him didn't feel quite solid. This couldn't be real. This had to be a dream. He would wake up in the morning in the Slytherin Dorms or back in his bedroom in London. But even if it wasn't real, for now all he could do was keep walking, keep the dream going as long as he could, he picked up his pace a little, fearing that if he stopped he would wake up. He found a cluster of free seats and sat down in one, staring dazedly into his silver plate, he could see the ceiling in it, the clouds, the candles. He felt himself fall into it and rise up above the Earth, he was so high up that he could see the Earth spinning. It was a dizzying sight.

_He had escaped._

_He was free._

_He had done it._


	7. Chapter 7

"GRYFFINDOR!" the Hat shouted.

There was a stutter of applause and silence. Lily clapped too until Severus pushed her hands down and shook his head at her.

A yell of "BLOOD TRAITOR!" pierced the stillness.

"Why's no one clapping him?" asked Lily quietly.

"He's a Black," whispered Severus, barely moving his lips and keeping his eyes fixed on the stunned looking boy who had still not risen from the stool, "Blacks have always been Slytherins ever since... well, forever as far as anyone knows."

"So they're calling him a traitor because he was put in Gryffindor?" asked Lily.

"Don't feel sorry for him," said Severus, "it's his fault if he wasn't worthy enough to get into Slytherin."

Suddenly Professor Dumbledore and some of the other teachers started to clap. Soon followed by the other black haired boy from the train, along with two other boys he seemed to have cajoled into following his lead. Gradually the applause spread around the room, but so too did the booing and the yelling of profanities, most of which were unfamiliar to Lily, she would have to ask what Severus what they meant later. Lily started to clap as well, the boy may have been rude but that was no reason not to cheer for him, after all, he couldn't help what House he was Sorted into right?

Beside her Severus did not clap, but he did not try to stop Lily from clapping this time either. Though he looked as if he wanted to.

More names were called, and soon they were nearing the end of the 'E's. McGonagall would reach "Evans, Lily" any time now. Lily rallied her thought, took several calming breaths. She had to go into this confident and collected. Her goal clear in her mind. If that Hat could see inside her head then she had to make sure everything in there was neat and organised so that it could see where she truly belonged.

Her name was called, and she turned to smile at Severus before making her way up to the rickety old stool. The hat fell over her ears and squashed her nose and ears. Maybe it was an illusion or maybe it was magic, but somehow everything suddenly seemed quieter. And then the Hat spoke.

"_Hmm,_ very _bright this one... strong willed too, ooh this is going to be difficult... you could excell in Ravenclaw but..."_

"_Come on, please Slytherin, please Slytherin, please Slytherin."_

"_Slytherin? Oh Merlin no! Put a muggleborn in Slytherin, never could I do such a thing."_

"_Why not? Just because I'm a muggleborn that doesn't mean I'm any less ambitious or intelligent. Sev told me that some people think muggleborns are worse than other witches and wizards, but I never expected that kind of prejudice from a smelly old hat!"_

"_Smelly old hat? You wound me dear child. But what wound's me more is that you somehow think that I make me decisions based on human prejudice, we smelly old hats are above such things you know."_

"_Well what's stopping you putting me in Slytherin then, Sev told me all about it and it's the best House by far, and he told me the kind of people it accepts and I fit the bill exactly."_

"_I'm afraid you do not by dear."_

"_What? Because I don't have the correct blood status?"_

"_Partly, but mainly because you're conscience would hold you back in Slytherin, you would always pause to help a fallen comrade rather than see him as one future opponent already beaten. You would be far better placed in Ravenclaw, or maybe even Gryffindor... I think we can rule Hufflepuff out, you are kind hearted yes, but you're brains would be wasted in that House."_

"_Gryffindor! That's where those oiks from the train wanted to go, no way am I going there! Ravenclaw wouldn't be too bad I suppose, but Sev said if you really wanted to go far then Slytherin is the only house for you. I want to make a difference in the world, if you put me in Slytherin then..."_

"_Desire to better the world is far more of a Gryffindor trait than a Slytherin one, you have ambition yes, but of a different Sort. Come now, see sense, it would be hell for you in Slytherin. My vision may not be clouded by prejudice but other people's is."_

"_I don't care! They can think what they like of me, that's their problem. I'm here to learn magic and Slytherin is the best house for me to do it in and I'm not going to let you, or anyone else stop me from doing so. I'm going to sit on this stool until you put me in Slytherin, I don't care if I even become a Hat Stall, I'll sit here forever and a day if I have to."_

"_You fight your corner well young lady, and it would be very brave of you to enter into Slytherin as a muggleborn."_

"_I'm not afraid of my future Housemates."_

"_No, no I see that you are not. Most muggleborns who know anything about the school are somewhat terrified of the Slytherins when they arrive, but you are exceptionally courageous Lily Evans. I see now that there is only one place for you..."_

"_Slytherin?"_

"_GRYFFINDOR!"_

Lily was welcomed back into the world, and into Gryffindor House, with thunderous applause. But she felt like she deserved none of it. She had failed, just like Sirius Black, surely she deserved the same treatment. But Lily was a smart girl, and she was not naive, she knew that the only reason she was being applauded while Sirius Black had been booed was that people expected no better of her. She didn't come from a family who had been in Slytherin since the dawn of time. She didn't come from anywhere, nowhere in this world at least.

As she walked past the first years yet to be Sorted she locked eyes with Severus, and tried to communicate in a look how sorry she was. The look he returned to her communicated nothing but infinite sorrow, as if he was already mourning her. Would she be dead to him now? Surely one day he would forgive her? Surely there was some way she could make it up to him, to herself. This was not the end. Lily simply wouldn't allow it. Houses be damned she was not going to give up on her goal of being someone and doing something. Just as she was not going to give up on Severus.


	8. Chapter 8

It was only when they got to the 'L's that it dawned on Remus that soon he would have to walk up to that stool himself, put on the hat and let it decide his fate in front of the judging eyes of hundreds of students, not to mention the teachers and Professor Dumbledore himself. It would be alright, he told himself, he didn't really mind where he went... so long as it wasn't Slytherin. But oh Merlin, what if he _was_ in Slytherin. No, Salazar Slytherin used to only accept people who he thought had great futures ahead of them, as a werewolf Remus would be lucky to get a cleaning job in the Ministry of Magic, let alone become Minister or anything like that. No, hopefully his lack of hope would keep him safe.

"Lerman, Ullyses."

And yet, Slytherin House had always had a strong connection to the Dark Arts, what if the Hat, upon seeing that he was a werewolf (for Remus was sure he would not be able to conceal that fact from the something capable of looking into his mind) simply sent him straight to Slytherin without bothering to examine the other parts of his mind. No, the Sorting Hat looked at someone's personality, being a werewolf hadn't changed him as a person, or at least that's what his parents had always said. But really, how were they to know? Remus was only four when he was bitten, how could anyone know what kind of a person he may have been by now if he had not been infected.

"Lupin, Remus."

Remus swallowed. Peter whispered "good luck" and Remus smiled back to him. Walking up to the stool he felt sure the teachers were paying more attention to him that to any of the other students, but he didn't get time to think too much about that before McGonagall had placed the Hat over his head and everything went dark.

"_Ah, an easy one this one, too easy if you ask me, I like a good challenge."_

"_Please, no! Not Slytherin! Please, give me a chance!"_

"_Slytherin? Don't be ridiculous, what on Earth would give you that idea?"_

"_I... I thought because I'm..."_

"_A werewolf? What do you take me for silly child? I am a wise old Hat, gifted with the ability to explore every nook and cranny of a person's mind, and you think I would base my decision on a single factor such as being a werewolf? No. You Remus Lupin, are a Gryffindor cut straight from the mould if ever I saw one."_

"_Gryffindor? I don't understand. I'm not bold or daring or anything of those things you said in the song... and I don't want to be either... it wouldn't be safe for someone like me. Wouldn't I be much better off in Hufflepuff? Or Ravenclaw if you think I'm smart enough?"_

"_Well you certainly have the right qualities for either Rowena or Helga's Houses, but these qualities are not what makes you remarkable. What makes you remarkable Remus, is your bravery."_

"_I'm not remarkable and I'm not brave. And like I said before, I don't want to be. I don't want to stand out from the crowd, I don't want to try and be hero, I just want to learn and maybe make a few friends. Besides... bravery only gets people hurt."_

"_There are many different types of bravery Remus Lupin, and there is one particular type you possess in such quantities the likes of which I have rarely seen."_

"_What type is that?"_

"_Strength, toughness."_

"_I can't even swim," thought Remus, his hand straying instinctively towards his right shoulder, which still bore the scar from where he was first bitten when he was four._

"_I am not talking about physical strength, I am talking about strength of mind, strength of character. You have an awful lot of that kind of strength Remus Lupin, and it is easy to see why. You need vast quantities of it to withstand the pain you endure every month. Even coming to Hogwarts, as one who suffers from your affliction, shows that you are a Gryffindor at heart."_

"_I should leave now then! Don't Sort me. If coming to Hogwarts despite being a werewolf is bold and daring then that's just another way of saying it's reckless and stupid. I'm not going to hurt anyone. I'm leaving right now."_

"_A willingness to sacrifice your own desires for the sake of others, yet another Gryffindor trait."_

"_What?"_

"_I see like many people you have been sadly misinformed about the variety of traits which each of the Houses place value on. Do you know anything about that cypress wand you have in your pocket Remus Lupin?"_

"_Not really."_

"_Cypress is a noble wood. And you Remus Lupin are a brave and noble... _GRYFFINDOR!"

The Hat had shouted the last word aloud, Remus went to sit down quickly so as to escape the limelight. He would have to do some more research into Gryffindor House... and cypress wands.

As he was walking the length of the Gryffindor table, looking for a seat he saw Sirius Black beckoning to him and gesturing to one of the many empty seats in his vicinity.

"Congratulations," said Sirius, proffering his hand for Remus to shake.

"You too," said Remus politely, shaking hands with the boy as he sat down opposite him.

"People seem to be giving me a wide berth," said Sirius in a haughty voice that Remus was sure must have carried several seats either way down the table, "it's great, it means we can save a seat for James."

"If he gets put in Gryffindor," said Remus.

"Oh he will," said Sirius, almost dismissively, "if we made it then James'll definitely make it."

Remus couldn't disagree with that.

"So... are you going to get disowned now?" asked Remus, remembering Sirius's strange remark on the boat.

"Most likely yes," said Sirius, "probably by Howler first thing tomorrow morning."

Remus was quiet for moment, trying to think of a suitable response. Sirius was grinning like a mad man so he assumed condolences weren't in order.

"If you don't mind me asking," he said finally, "what... I mean, why..?"

"Oh," said Sirius, "mud... muggleborn are you?"

"No," said Remus, not quite following.

"It's alright if you are. I mean, I won't think any less of you because of it. I've decided to make it my life's mission to be nothing like the rest of my family. And that starts with ignoring all that 'purebloods are better than everyone else' nonsense."

"Well, um, that's... good. But I'm not a muggleborn, I'm a half-blood. My mum's a muggle but my dad's a wizard."

"Not from one of the old families though," said Sirius, "or I would have seen you on our family tree. Or perhaps not if you father married a muggle. My mother probably would have burnt him off."

Remus's eyebrows shot into the air.

"Off of the tapestry I mean," said Sirius, "that's what happens when you get disowned. I'm sorry you really don't know what I'm talking about do you?"

"Sorry, no."

"Did you father really never teach you about all the main Wizarding families."

"No," said Remus, feeling incredibly ignorant, "sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about. I should have realised it would only be my parents who made their children memorise their entire family tree. I suppose that kind of thing doesn't matter to most ordinary people. And by that I mean sane by the way."

"So... you're from an important pureblood family then?" asked Remus.

His father may not have told him the specific names of these families but he had heard him talk often enough about how they controlled the entire Ministry, and how they all thought werewolves deserved nothing but death, though that had been when he was eavesdropping.

"Yes. The Blacks are one of the most important families in the Wizarding world, or they like to think so anyway. I don't, I think they're a load of stuffy old farts. My ancestors have been in Slytherin for centuries so being Sorted into Gryffindor is practically a death sentence, but what's life without a little risk eh?"

Remus definitely knew he was at the Gryffindor table now.

"I think I'm perfectly happy to have a life without risk of death to be honest," Remus laughed nervously, torn between wanting Sirius to like him and not wanting to get too involved with a boy who's idea of fun was nearly getting himself killed.

To his surprise Sirius laughed as well.

"You're alright you know Remus."

"Thank you, I've never been so flattered in my life," said Remus before he could stop himself, his mother always told him off for his sarcasm and he didn't want Sirius to think he was rude.

Sirius, however, merely laughed again, louder this time, it was a short bark of a laugh. Remus was worried if they were going to get in trouble for making too much noise.

"You're funny, you wouldn't think you would be since you're so quiet and polite and stuff. But you've got a mischievous streak, I can tell."

"Not really," said Remus.

"Which means yes," said Sirius, "it's good. I wouldn't be friend with you if you were a goody-two-shoes like my brother Regulus."

Remus didn't know what to say to that, so he kept quiet. Part of him knew that he should really be trying to make friend who were like him, shy people who just wanted to have a quiet laugh with one another but mainly focus of their studies. But he felt irresistible drawn to Sirius. The way he oozed confidence, the way he personality reached out and slapped you in the face. In fact, sod it, he was in awe of this boy who had held himself so tall and graceful as he had been booed by a good third of the students in the Great Hall. He knew he could never be like Sirius, people like him weren't meant to be like that, but someone like Sirius seemed to actually _like_ him then who was he to turn down his offer of friendship.


	9. Chapter 9

Peter could see Remus talking to Sirius Black, one of the boys from the boat. He hoped he wouldn't choose to make friends with Sirius instead of him, he didn't want to be left alone. Remus had seemed nice. He wanted to get into Gryffindor more than ever now, but with even passing minute it was seeming less and less likely. His cousins and the children from his village had always teased him for being a 'scaredy cat', he'd never get sorted into the House of the brave. He knew Ravenclaw wasn't an option, and he doubted Slytherin would take him either, even if he wanted to go there. He would be dumped in Hufflepuff for sure. "There's nothing wrong with Hufflepuff," his mother had said to him as he said goodbye to her on Platform nine and three quarters, but he knew that both his parents were hoping that he would follow in the footsteps of most of his family and get Sorted into Gryffindor.

Quite aside from what his parents wanted though, Peter himself wanted nothing more than to be courageous and daring and everything else a Gryffindor was meant to be. In fact, what Peter wanted to be, more than anything else in the world, was a hero. Ever since he was little and he first started playing mock duels with the other Wizarding children in his village he had been totally infatuated by the notion of riding in on a dragon and saving a town from an evil wizard. Perhaps the reason why he always got into these games much more than the other children was that Peter didn't show any signs of magic until much later than most of the others. Some of the children used to tease him that he was a squib, and his parents, though they asserted confidently that he was just a late bloomer, even sent him to a muggle primary school to provide him with the skills he would need to function in the muggle world, just as a precaution obviously. Of course they knew that Peter would be a wizard, they weren't surprised at all when he finally, at the age of eight and a half, managed to make his big cousin Ben's toad explode, covering Ben with blood and tiny intestines. The memory brought a smile to Peter's face, he felt bad for the toad, but Ben's face had been priceless.

"Pettigrew, Peter"

Peter's smile fell away in an instant, how had they got to him so quickly? His hands felt clammy and his stomach suddenly unsettled as he walked up to the stool. He wiped his hands on his robes but there was nothing he could do about the horrible sensation in his stomach.

As the Hat was placed over his head he tried once again to think of his cousin's toad, but somehow all the humour seemed to have drained out of the memory. Instead all he could think of was his mother crying and hugging him, and saying she knew he'd do magic some day... not shocked or relieved at all.

"_Hmm, difficult, not Ravenclaw, you do possess your own breed of intelligence, but you're not really an academic. I suppose Hufflepuff would be the obvious choice, but that rarely means it's the right one... no, there's something else here."_

"_Please Mr Hat, let me be in Gryffindor, please."_

"_Gryffindor? Ah I see, pushy parents. No, I don't think so, there's potential of course but... hmm... I suppose Slytherin could be an option..."_

"_No, please, not Slytherin, I'd rather Hufflepuff than Slytherin."_

"_Are you sure? You have a certain quiet cunningness, an ability to read people, assess social situations quickly, I see your mind has already turned to the forming of new allegiances."_

"_I want friends not... allegiences, whatever that means."_

"_Hmm, maybe you're right, you don't lack ambition but you lack the right type of ambition to succeed in Slytherin House. As for Hufflepuff? The more I try to make it fit the more it seems to resist. So often the way with the obvious choice."_

"_Rejected by Hufflepuff, that's got to be a first."_

"_You would be surprised Peter Pettigrew, how many people are not the right fit for Hufflepuff House. Helga was always the most accepting yes, there were always some students who she would see as far better off in one of the other Houses."_

"_Then please let me be in Gryffindor! I can be brave! I promise! If you Sort me into Gryffindor I'll prove it!"_

"_You want to be a hero Peter Pettigrew, some would say such an ambition was childish, naive."_

"_I don't care, I'm not going to tell anyone, I know it sounds stupid but no one needs to know that. I can just keep it to myself."_

"_Others would say it was chivalrous and brave, or at least displays a desire to be so. I often find Peter, that when a student is such a mixture of different House qualities it is best to let them follow their desires."_

"_What? You're letting me decide?"_

"_Choices are important Peter, they reveal not only the present self, which I can see, but also a myriad of potential future selves you may become. Do you choose to be brave, chivalrous, daring, loyal, strong?"_

"_Yes!"_

"_Then make that choice, make it every day, and I wish you good luck with your every endeavour, in _GRYFFINDOR!"

Peter hopped of the stool so fast he almost headbutted Professor McGonagall as she bent down to retrieve the Sorting Hat. He practically ran to the Gryffindor table, beaming with such a pride as he had never felt before. He sat down next to Remus, who offered him a congratulations which could never hope to match Peter's own sense of accomplishment. He was here, he had done it. And this was only the beginning.

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Reply to Fanfictionaddict's review:

Hey! Thanks for the feedback. I know I didn't include much pranking in Completely Loopy (in fact that's an understatement), the honest reason is that I am crap at writing pranks. I will try to get a good few pranking chapter in this time round but I'm not going to attempt them too often as I don't think I'll be able to keep up a high standard of ideas and writing if I do too many. However it is something I want to work on so I'll do my best :) I personally really like Remus's mischievous side (as well as Peter's but I'll come onto him in a minute) the sole reason that might have been underplayed in Completely Loopy was my own lack of ability to write good pranks. I did always try to include lots of all four of the marauders laughing and joking, and alluding to funny pranks they had done but which I didn't write about because I couldn't think of how to go about it. But like I say, I'm going to work harder on my prank writing this time around and when I do Remus and Peter will both have big roles to play.

As for your point about Peter. I'm really glad you brought him up, he's the hardest Marauder to characterise for me, so feedback on him is especially appreciated. I know that sometimes I make it seem like James and Sirius in particular push him aside. I swear this is not because I don't like him but because I'm trying to rationalise his treachery. While I'm sure his friends (especially Remus who as we know from canon felt extremely grateful to anyone who was friends with him) valued him, I imagine James and Sirius as the kind of people who would ridicule their friends a lot, thinking that it was harmless banter, but sometimes causing offense. And because of Peter _comparative_ lack of intelligence I imagine he would have born the brunt of their teasing more than Remus (I base this off their interaction after the DADA exam in Snape's Worst Memory). I also think that after discovery Remus's Lycanthropy they would have felt protective of Remus in a way that anyone would feel protective of a friend with a serious medical condition, and therefore maybe feel more need to protect him than to protect Peter. I also think that since it's made clear in canon that James and Sirius were best friends they would sometimes, by accident, leave Peter and Remus out a bit. However I do agree with you that at the end of the day, the other marauders enjoy Peter's company and trust him like a close friend, but that sometimes they might not be very good at showing it. I think I should be able to remedy this by including more of Peter's point of view so that you'll be able to see how I imagine Peter rather than how I think the other Marauders would think of Peter.

So in short, I don't think that Peter's 'too stupid for words' I think that he's less academically capable than the others, but I think that he's the best out of all four of them at reading people. I base that on this. Peter was good enough at reading people to always know who were the right people to get in with (in terms of who was cool or powerful), whereas James, I imagine, had quite a sheltered upbringing and so was a little too self centred to be able to observe other people in this analytical way. Sirius I think would have been good at reading people, but have been tripped up, like James, on his own ego, and also on the fact that he was brought up surrounded by prejudice, and though the adult Sirius is not prejudiced at all I can't believe that the child Sirius would have been able to get over the issues his unbringing left him with over night. So that even though he's not prejudiced, he has a bit of a superiority complex, and therefore his view of others is distorted. Remus I think would have been quite hit and miss in terms of reading people, because while we see in the book series that his character is very insightful into Harry's and others' mood, he can be easily blinded by his own low self esteem, and therefore manages to miss things that are staring him in the face (ehem-Tonks). Also his isolation from other children as a child must have left him to some degree socially disadvantaged, at first at least. So yeah, I don't think Peter's completely dense, I just think he's people-smart rather than academic.

(As a side note I also want to say that I don't think Remus would have been as academically successful as I often see him portrayed in fan fiction, so it's not just Peter I'm 'dumbing down'. Obviously he is very intelligent, but I find it hard to believe that someone who must miss at a guess at least two days of school every month for their entire school career, could excel in every subject. I know from my experience of GCSEs which would be equivilant to OWLs and A Levels, which would be equivilant to NEWTs, that missing two days of school because you're sick normally means you're catching up on work for up to a week, that's a week out of every month, so a quarter of his time as school, that he's behind on his work, on top of his Maraudering antics I think his grades would have suffered, if only slightly, as a result, obviously in the lower years this is less of a problem as the work load is less, but also his transformations were worse in those years because his friends had not yet become animagi)

Anyway, I try to improve on my characterisation of Peter, though I think I should warn you that at first you might not notice much difference. This is because I think that it would have taken some time for James and Sirius to begin to value Peter, first and foremost, because they're eleven year old boys, and also because they both have a bit on an ego issue. I think that Peter would have grown close to Remus first, and then grown close to James and Sirius through him. I then think that they would have grown closer still through trying to find out what was wrong with their mutual friend, and of course, through pranking and joking.

So yes, if I was guilty of Peter bashing in Completely Loopy it was only because I felt the need to set him up as someone who was often pushed aside and ridiculed by his friends and therefore, on some level, held resentments and insecurities as a result. Of course the Marauders had a wonderful friendship but no friendship is free from internal strain and I think what the war did was bring all those strains to the foreground, but they had to be there in the first place.

As for the issue of trust. We must remember that in Deathly Hallows Remus says James would have regarded it as a great dishonour to suspect his friends, so we can't take his trust in Peter as absolute proof that Peter was trustworthy (by that time we know he no longer was). As for Sirius's trust in him. I've always got the impression from the canon that Sirius's trust in Peter came from his underestimation of him. Sirius thought, mistakenly, that Peter was too thick to be the traitor, never realising that Peter was more intelligent than any of them when it came to making tactical allegiances. He was blinded also by his suspicion of Remus. I am really looking forward to writing the post Hogwarts chapter of this story as I'm really fascinated by how such a strong friendship fell apart, and then of course, Peter will be much more prevalent in the storyline.

I'm sorry if that didn't really make sense. I have a lot of opinions and I often find them hard to explain like this, that's basically why I'm writing fan fiction. Your English is excellent by the way, I only hope you can understand mine (I often can't).

Thanks again for the review and please keep it up to tell me how you think I'm doing.


	10. Chapter 10

Okay just to pre-empt any questions/ criticisms on not writing James a 'proper sorting' I've made the decision to do this chapter this way because I imagine that James would be Sorted into Gryffindor with the same kind speed that Ron Weasley and Draco Malfoy were Sorted. I therefore thought it would be more interesting to write this bit from the point of view of the other marauders and get a bit of conversation going.

* * *

"Look, James is about to get sorted," said Sirius, as McGonagall called the name "Potter, James" and James approached the stool.

His eyes found Sirius's and just before McGonagall dropped the Sorting Hat over his head he offered him a small wink. The hat deliberated only for a second before bellowing "GRYFFINDOR!" and although by this late in the Sorting Ceremony enthusiasm, especially on the part of the older students, was waning, James still managed to drum up a warm round of applause. Sirius whooped and cheered for James just as he had done for him as he hopped up off the stool, handing the sorting Hat back to Professor McGonagall with a flourish and walked happily towards the Gryffindor table, ruffling his hair where the hat flattened it slightly and pushing up his glasses, which had slipped slighty down his nose

"That was quick," remarked Sirius, as James slipped into the space beside him, "It can't have looked that far into your head in that amount of time, it must have barely got through all that hair."

"I know!" said James, "I feel cheated! You three all got to have a right good chat with him by the looks of it. But my hair is very Gryffindor so I guess it didn't really need to look any further."

"James Potter, the only person wizard in Britain to have been Sorted by his hair alone," laughed Sirius.

"That's me," said James, winking again, "so, you made Gryffindor after all... Peter?"

"Yeah," said Peter, "I'm so relieved, I can't wait to tell my mum and dad."

"I can't wait either," said Sirius, "though I imagine I'm excited for very different reasons. It'll piss her off to no end! My mission in life has finally been accomplished!"

"What about you Remus? Happy you're in Gryffindor or are you still in the 'I don't mind' camp?"

"Um... happy I guess," said Remus, deciding to keep to himself how hard he had fought against being Sorted into Gryffindor.

"Are you not disappointed you weren't in Hufflepuff?" asked Peter surprised, remembering they're conversation on the train.

James and Sirius burst out laughing and Remus turned very red.

"Hufflepuff?!" gasped James, "are you serious? You _wanted_ to be in Hufflepuff?!"

"I... yes... sort of... like I said, I didn't really mind, I just... I thought Hufflepuffs were nice... a-and I didn't think I was brave enough for Gryffindor anyway... or smart enough for Ravenclaw... and I definitely didn't want to be in Slytherin."

"I'm sorry Remus," said James, "but that is quite funny."

Remus looked down and started playing with his fork.

"Oh I'm sorry Remus, I didn't mean to laugh. Hufflepuff's can be pretty cool. My cousin's boyfriend's a Hufflepuff and he's got a _motorbike_... except that's a secret so don't tell anyone, the boyfriend I mean, not the motorbike."

"You can count on us Sirius," said James, "what's a motorbike."

"It's a muggle thing. It's like a bicycle except they use a sort of muggle-magic thing called a nengine to make it go really fast."

"Cool!" said James, "sort of like a broom?"

"Yeah, except it can't fly."

"Oh," said James, "well that's a bit rubbish then."

"No they're great! I thought all muggle stuff was rubbish but Ted let me have a go on his one time when Dromeda took me with her to sneak out and see him and it the best thing _ever_. I mean, obviously it would be even cooler if it could fly but it makes this really great 'mmrrrrmmm mmmrrrrrmmmmm grrrrrrrrrrrr' noise."

"Are you sure it was a bike Sirius," laughed James "are you sure you weren't riding some sort of animal?"

"Well obviously I can't do the noise exactly," said Sirius, "but it was really cool, and to think that muggles make things like that without magic is incredible. I don't think they can be nearly as stupid as people always say they are!"

"Oi Black," said an older student, twisting in his seat to face the group of first years, "no one wants to hear your muggle-hating rubbish at this table. Bugger off back to where you belong if you're going to be going around spouting stuff about muggles being stupid. Plenty of people here have muggle parents and I'll bet a damned sight cleverer than you you ignorant little..."

"I wasn't saying muggles were stupid!" said Sirius defensively, "I was saying the opposite... I was just saying that I thought it was really clever of them that they could do so much stuff without magic."

"And no one's gonna take being patronised round here either," said the boy, "you're blood status don't count for nothing here Black, no one cares how rich your daddy is it won't stop someone from hexing your hairless balls off."

"He wasn't saying anything bad about muggles!" said James, "Sirius isn't like his family, he's a Gryffindor for starters, and he doesn't think he's any better because he's a 'pureblood' either, right Sirius."

"Right," said Sirius, trying to sound defiant but failing because he was so shocked James had stepped in to defend him.

"And in that respect he's no different from you or me right _Longbottom_," added James, recognising the boy from the many family gatherings he'd attended and realising that this boy too was a what people called a pureblood.

"Look Potter, I know you're still young so you don't quite know the way the world works yet, so I'm going to give you a bit of advice, don't go getting yourself mixed up with a Black. And that goes for all three of you," said Longbottom, nodding towards Remus and Peter, "you get mixed up with that boy and you're just asking for trouble."

Peter was frowning slightly open mouthed at Longbottom, Sirius's face was tense and unreadable, and James looked as if he was about to start yelling, or worse, physically assault the older boy, regardless of all disadvantages in terms of size and magical ability. Remus looked between the three of them and decided that something needed to be done.

"Um... I'm sorry," he said, "but I don't you're right about Sirius. I told him my mum was a muggle and it didn't bother him at all, right Sirius?"

"Not at all," said Sirius.

"So I'm not going to stay away from him just because his family hate muggles, that's be just as bad as Sirius avoiding me because one of my parents _is_ a muggle. So... yeah..."

Longbottom just looked at Remus for a second, and Remus felt his face grow hot again under his glare but he did his best to look him in the eye.

"Well don't come crying to me when he starts calling you the 'm' word and hexing you for no reasons," he said at last, and with that he turned away and resumed his conversation with his friends, who had all stopped to observe the altercation.

James, who had risen slightly from his chair, sat down again.

"Don't listen to people like that," he said to Sirius, "you're a Gryffindor, you're nothing like the rest of your family, you know that and we know that so who cares about anyone else?"

Sirius turned to Remus.

"You do know I'd never do that right?" he said, his voice for the first time quiet and earnest, "I'd never call you the 'm' word and I'd never hex you because your mum's a muggle. I'd never do that to anyone."

"I know," said Remus.

He didn't just say it to be polite, he said it because, despite how little he knew the boy, he really did believe it. He didn't seem like he hates muggles and muggleborns. Remus couldn't help doubting however, that his accepting attitude would extend as far as werewolves.

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Reply to Fanfictionaddict's review:

Yeah, when I see a thorough review I like to answer all the points in the review. Yeah I know that one thing I was guilty of overplaying was Peter's slowness in getting sarcasm and stuff. Again I'm just thinking back to the bit in the flashback in Order of the Phoenix where James, Sirius and Remus are joking about the werewolf question and Peter doesn't seem to get it. When I say 'good at reading people' I mainly meant 'good at sussing out social situations', I think things like getting jokes often is less about being 'people smart' or whatever and more about being witty. I dunno. But yeah, that is one thing I'm going change. I'm going to give Peter a more prominent role in the joking and maraudering.

As the 'record of all known werewolves'. That was something I sort of just wrote and then forgot about. I was looking for things for the teacher to say that would get Remus worried he was going to tell the students about his condition. I based the idea off the Werewolf Registry which is mentioned in a few (of what I count as) canon sources. However after the new pottermore info (or maybe it was there before somewhere and I just missed it) I've realised that the Werewolf Registry was basically a complete flop cause no one signed it, so such a register wouldn't have existed. So that is one of the things I'm going to change this time round.

Finally, I'm really annoying and inconsistent in terms of uploading. I write when I have time and then as soon as the next chapter's ready I upload it. Also I'm going to be starting uni very soon so I'll have less time on my hands, but I do intend to keep updating as often as I can whilst still getting all my work done. So yeah, sorry about that. I upload literally on an 'as and when' basis, so sometimes I might upload two chapters in a day but other times there could be up to a two week gap. Something you could do if you want to keep track of when the fics you like have been updated is make a fanfiction account and then you can follow or favourite stories and I think you can even get email notifications when a fic has been updated (but I'm not sure).

Anyway, thanks for reviewing again. I assure you I am taking everything you've got to say on board (and that goes for all you reviewers- I'm trying to always answer any points raised in reviews from now on, if you've got an account I'll PM you but if not I'll leave you a little (or sometimes not so little) note at the end of the chapter). So yeah, please bear with for a while while I try to adjust a few things in the story. Feedback is valued every step of the way :)


	11. Chapter 11

"Snape, Severus."

Lily heard her friend's name being called and raised herself up off of her seat slightly to get a better view. He looked self conscious walking up to that stool in front of so many people, she saw him playing with the hem of his second hand robes. At least Professor McGonagall had got rid of all that mud, Lily thought, she didn't exactly what had happened when Severus fell, she had been too busy gazing up at the castle, but seeing as those two boys from the train where involved she was inclined to think it hadn't been entirely accidental. Severus looked over to her for a moment before he sat down on the stool and his lip twitched in a nervous smile. Lily tried to smile back but her face wouldn't quite obey. She was torn, she didn't want her and Severus to be split up, but she also wanted the best for Severus, even if she didn't manage to get into Slytherin at least one of them still might get in. What she really wanted of course was for them both of them to be in Slytherin, but it was too late for that now. She had to hope for what was the best outcome for Severus, she had hope on his behalf, as he had done for her, that he would get into the House of the successful and the great.

Severus wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to be Sorted. He had been ready half an hour ago but then Lily had been Sorted into Gryffindor and suddenly everything that was certain in the world had crumbled around him. He needed more time, time to think, time to decide. Of course he wasn't having doubts, he knew that he was a Slytherin through and through like his mother, he knew that was where he wanted to go... but then there was Lily. He looked over to the Gryffindor table as he turned around to sit down and be Sorted. He caught her eye and tried to offer her a smile, she looked like she was about to smile back but then she bit her lip instead.

He sat down on the stool and Professor McGonagall placed the Hat over his head.

"_No stop! I need to think!" _he wanted to scream, but of course, he didn't.

"_Then by all means do, it may help me see you more clearly," _said a voice that seemed to come from all around his head.

"_Just wait then, please, I don't know where I want to go. I mean, I do know where I want to go but... can you re-Sort people? Can you give them a second chance?"_

"_I'm afraid not, are you concerned you may come to regret your Sorting... no, you are concerned for another... no, I am afraid not Severus Snape. You cannot change someone's nature."_

"_But people can change their own nature? Right?"_

"_In time, some do, but I have a strong feeling that Lily Evans won't. You are brave Severus Snape, proud too, you could make a good Gryffindor if your heart was in it. But you are also clever and cunning, you know when to stay hidden as well as when to stand and fight. You know how to control your feelings, because after all, feelings are hardly as important as thoughts and plans and aspirations are to you. You could do exceedingly well in Slytherin."_

"_Lily could have done well too."_

"_You could make a good Ravenclaw as well of course, you have a thirst for learning and a hunger for magic, but no, Slytherin or Gryffindor could offer you a better opportunity to prove yourself. I know where I would put you, but the choice is still there if you want to take it... Gryffindor or Slytherin."_

"_Slytherin," _thought Severus, _"I'm a Prince, and I'm a Slytherin, and Lily's a Slytherin too even if she was Sorted into the wrong House, I need to be in Slytherin for both of our sakes, I can make sure everyone knows Lily's not just some mudblood and I'm not just some halfblood either. We're Slytherins."_

"_I believe we can expect great things from you..."_

"SLYTHERIN!" the Hat bellowed.

Professor McGonagall lifted the Hat of Severus's head and as he stood up he looked once more over to the Gryffindor table. He felt guilty about leaving Lily over there on her own when she was so much better than anyone else at that table, but really what was he to do? What good would it do anyone if he played the martyr and accepted a place in a House that was beneath him as well. He tried to communicate this to Lily in a look but she had already sank back down into her seat so that he couldn't see her over the heads of the taller students. He turned and walked to the Slytherin table. Just as he sat down he heard a loud whoop from the far end of the room, a whoop that was unmistakably Lily's. He smiled. Okay so it hadn't all gone quite to plan, but there was still plenty of times to rectify things. Lily deserved better than being lumped in with the House of reckless fools just because she was good and brave and kind. And now that he at least had made it into Slytherin he could work tirelessly to make sure that she had the same chance to be great as any pureblood did.

Lily sank back down into her seat. She should be happy, Severus had got into the House he wanted, and it wasn't as if they wouldn't be able to be friends any more just because they were in different Common Rooms and ate at different tables and had some different classes. And maybe at normal meals students could sit wherever they liked, maybe it was only at the important feasts that they had to sit at their House tables. No, she was just being stupid and jealous, it was her own fault that she wasn't good enough to get into Slytherin, but she could still prove that stupid Hat wrong couldn't she? She could still prove that she could become a successful witch, after all, Severus had said that it made no difference being muggleborn. And if the Hat thought she was brave as well then she could use that to her advantage. She got it together to cheer for Severus as he was welcomed onto the Slytherin table. She noticed she was the only person at the Gryffindor table cheering with any enthusiasm, and those horrible boys from the train were even boo-ing and hissing. She was not going to be like them just because she had been put in the same House as them. Who cared what House she was in anyway? She was still Lily Evans, being a Gryffindor didn't change anything.


	12. Chapter 12

The feast was amazing. As soon as the food appeared the entire hall had erupted in joyous chatter and hearty laughter as people exchanged stories from the summer and discussed their plans for the year to come. And as for the food itself, there was so much choice Remus, no matter how hard he tried, knew he would never get the chance to sample some of everything. It was all so delicious he had to do everything in his power not to eat too much of any one dish so that he still had room to try the others. And that was even before pudding was served!

After they had eaten the four boys were as tired as they were excited and after being shown to their dormitories it was wordlessly decided that this first evening would be spent lounging lazily on the beds, talking to each other as their bodies worked at digesting the mountain of delicious food they had eaten.

James and Sirius did most of the talking, but for now Remus at least was perfectly content to listen. It was wonderful to hear about the lives of other children his age. It was wonderful to hear the two of them argue over who's Quidditch team was better and which flavour of Honeydukes chocolate was the best (Peter had eventually stepped in and settled that one by saying that you couldn't go wrong with a selection box, but that in his opinion you couldn't beat the classic butterscotch). Just lying there, not on his own or with only his parents, but in a room with three other boys _just like him_, he could almost forget that he wasn't like them. For the first time in his life Remus felt like part of some wider world that night. He couldn't help but fall asleep happy.

When Remus awoke the next morning he didn't immediately remember where he was. He kept his eyes closed as he rolled over in bed, stretching his legs out under the covers and then curling up into a ball again, burrowing his head under the covers to block out the light which shone red through his eyelids.

Then all of a sudden he heard a crash and a thud and felt the impact of someone landing on his bed. He opened his eyes and scrambled up, casting his eyes around for something to use as a weapon, realising only then that he was not in his bedroom at home but in his dorm at Hogwarts, and the crash and the thud had not been someone breaking in but appeared to have been James's attempt at getting out of bed.

"Are you alright?" asked Remus, getting down off his bed and bending down next to James, who was sitting in the gap between their two bed rubbing his forehead and swearing.

"Yeah fine," said James, getting up and rubbing his elbow, "just forgot where I was, tripped over that blood bedside table and cracked my head straight into your bed."

He reached over to the offending bedside table and grabbed his glasses, shoving them carelessly on his face and once more rubbing the spot on his forehead where he had collided with the wooden edge of Remus's bed.

"I forgot where I was too for a second," said Remus, "when you fell I thought there was someone breaking into my room or something."

"Waz all the noise 'bout?" yawned Sirius, sitting up in the bed beyond James's.

"James fell out of bed," said Remus.

Sirius burst out laughing.

"Oi!" said James, "let's wake you up by ramming your head into a hard plank of wood and see how you like it."

When Sirius didn't stop laughing James picked up his pillow and threw it at him.

"You are going to pay for that Potter," said Sirius in a dangerous voice, and then he leapt up out of bed, arm with the pillow, vaulted over James's bed and pounced on James, knocking him back onto Remus's bed. Remus had to dodge quickly to avoid getting himself caught in Sirius's path.

"Woz goin'on?" mumbled Peter, emerging from under his duvet and blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

"Err... I don't quite know," Remus answered him, as it was clear both Sirius and James were otherwise occupied, "James threw a pillow at Sirius and then Sirius just sort of... jumped on him."

James had managed to roll Sirius onto his back now and had him pinned down by the arms.

"Do you submit?!" he shouted.

"Never!" cried Sirius, and with a sort of flipping motion that was so quick neither Remus not Peter, nor apparently James, saw exactly how he did it, he tossed James right off the bed.

"Victory!" he yelled, jumping up onto his feet on Remus's bed and punching the air with both hands, while James picked himself up off the floor for the second time in the space of less than five minutes.

"You win this time," he said, straightening his glasses, "morning Peter, nice pyjamas" he added, seeing Peter standing next to Remus in a pair of light blue pyjamas covered in little golden snitches, the arms and legs were slightly too long for him so his hands and feet were all but hidden in the soft-looking fabric.

"Thanks," said Peter.

"Well I don't know about anyone else but all that winning has made me hungry," said Sirius, hopping down off the bed.

The other boys were hungry for their breakfast by now too, so they agreed on no more pillow fights or wrestling matches while they changed into their school robes so they could head down for breakfast as soon as possible. Remus was very glad of the hangings around his four poster bed, he had been anxious about getting dresses in front of the other boys in his dormitory. Of course, a lot of children would no doubt be feeling awkward about other children seeing them without clothes on, but Remus was worried for a different reason to most. Beneath his clothes Remus's skinny body was covered with scars. Scars from when he was attacked as a toddler, but mainly scars which he gave to himself. His parents had always locked him up every month, researching stronger and stronger charms to keep him contained and to stop him from attacking others, but they had never been able find a way to stop him from turning on himself in frustration, biting and scratching himself, leaving behind cursed wounds that could never be fully healed, even by magic. Luckily since he could not physically bite his own face he had only a few scars which could not be covered simply be wearing long sleeves and trousers, but if he had to get undressed in front James, Sirius and Peter then he wouldn't be able to hide them for very long. For this reason the curtains were a godsend, he didn't care how difficult it was to get dressed sitting or standing awkwardly on the bouncy mattress, if it avoided awkward question then he was grateful for it.

At breakfast there was nearly as much choice as there had been at dinner last night. In the end Remus had scrambled eggs on toast and some bacon and a glass of fresh pumpkin juice. As he ate he stared around the Hall. It looked different by day, for one thing the ceiling was now a light blue and whitish grey clouds hung there looking so real you could easily forget that it was charmed. He looked around at the students now. The younger ones excited and eager for ther first day, some of the older ones looking like they'd much rather have another hour in bed. His eyes wandered over each House table, until they eventually came to rest at the Slytherin table, where some sort of altercation seemed to be taking place between a group of older students and a pair of younger ones. As they shifted slighty Remus caught a glimpse of one of the younger student's faces, a girl with medium length ginger hair clipped back neatly to keep it out of her face, and Remus realised he recognised her. The girl's name was something Evans, Lucy? Lily? Well, either way she was not a Slytherin but a Gryffindor. The girl shifted again and Remus recognised the other younger student as the boy he had tripped onto as they were walking up the hill towards the castle, his name he did remember, neither his name nor his face was the kind you could forget in a hurry, his name was Severus Snape.

"Morning Sev," said Lily brightly, strolling over to the Slytherin table and plonking herself down opposite her best friend.

Lily wasn't sure when she started thinking of Severus as her best friend, but she knew that was definitely what he was now, after all, all her friends from her primary school were back in Cokeworth, and she had never quite fitted in with them anyway.

"Good morning Lily," said Severus.

He smiled as he said it but Lily saw the way he looked up and down the table nervously.

"It's fine," said Lily, "I checked with a Prefect, she said there was no rule against sitting at another House table as far as knew, only that we were kind of expected to. So long as I sit with the Gryffindors on for the feasts I can still sit here with you the rest of the time."

Severus still looked uneasy.

"Look, it's not as if there's going to be a rule against having friends in different Houses. And if there is that that's such a stupid rule I think we should just take a stand against it."

"We don't want to get into trouble on our first day though Lily," said Severus.

"Well we probably won't," said Lily.

"Oi, you! Gryffindor! What are you doing at our table?!"

Lily and Severus turned to see a group of boys who Lily would only describe as "big".

"I'm eating breakfast with my friend," said Lily, standing up to close some of the gap in height between herself and the boys, it didn't help much.

"Ooh," said one of the boys, "think you're a big brave Gryffindor little girl?"

"I'm not scared of you, can you just leave us alone please, I was trying to talk to my _friend_," said Lily, out of the corner of her eye she saw Severus getting to his feet as well, motioning subtly for Lily to sit down.

"You're _friend_ doesn't seem to have much to say for himself does he?" said another boy, "are you really friends with this piece of filth? Do you want us to get rid of her for you?"

Lily saw the boy reach into his pocket, she was just deciding whether to reach for her own and try her luck with one of the jinxes she'd read about or run for it when she heard Severus cry:

"No! Don't... don't hurt her... don't hurt my friend."

"Oh? And what are you going to do about it if we do scruffy?" taunted the same boy, jabbing his wand into Severus's second hand robes.

Severus opened his mouth and then closed it again.

"Thought so," said the boy.

"Look, clearly you don't know how things work around here," said the first boy who had spoken, his wand now also drawn and pointed at Lily, though surreptitiously so as not to attract the attention of any teachers, "s'pose you're a fucking mudblood as well as a Gryffindor."

"But that's alright," said the third boy, the one who hadn't spoken yet, "'cause we're going to teach you what happen to little mudblood first years who start getting too big for their little boots. We're going to teach your _fwiend _a lesson too, we're going to teach him what happens if he makes _fwiends_ with types like you."

"Goyle, Nott, MacNair, what the devil are you up to my boys?"

Lily turned around to see an overweight man waddling towards them a pile of papers clutched under his arm.

"Now I warned you last year about your behaviour and you're not getting off to a very good start ganging up on first years on the first day back are you? Now go on, here's your timetables," he fumbled around with the pile of papers for a bit and handed one to each boy, "and I see any displays like that again it'll be straight in detention, no more warnings, do you hear me boys?"

There was a grunt of "Yes Professor" and the boys slunk off to a group of empty seats further down the table.

"Are you two alright?" asked the Professor, "here, now if any of those boys give you any more grief you come and tell me alright? I'm your Head of House Professor Slughorn and it's my job... Oh, I don't think you're at the right table my dear," he said, noticing Lily's red and gold tie, "here, come with me and I'll show you where you're supposed to be."

"Oh, um, sorry Sir, I know I'm at the wrong table, it's just that me and Severus are friends," she said, gesturing to Severus, "so I wanted to eat breakfast with him you see... if that's alright?"

"Oh well of course you can spend time with your friend Miss..."

"Evans, Lily Evans."

"...Miss Evans," continued Professor Slughorn, "but you'll need to be at your House table this morning if you want to get your timetable."

"Oh, I'm sorry Professor, I didn't know."

"That's okay dear girl, come along and I'll walk you over to your table, I'm sure you'll see your friend in one of your lessons today."

"Thank you Professor, bye Sev," said Lily.

"Bye Lily," said Severus, sitting back down.

"Good lass, now I'm all for a bit of House unity but you really ought to try and make a few friends in your own House Miss Evans, they're the people you're going to be sharing a dormitory with for seven years after all, and most of your classes."

"Yes Professor."

"Evans... Evans... not sure if I know the name... would I have taught anyone in your family in recent years?"

"No Sir, all my family are muggles, I'm the first one to come to Hogwarts," said Lily proudly.

"Ah, muggleborn eh? Well, listen, you ought to be especially careful not to wind up in too many sticky situations like that one then... you hear me? I have no personal issue with people of your parentage of course, but there are some students, many I'm afraid to say, in my House, who take a rather... prejudiced view against witches and wizards who come from muggle families like yourself."

Part of Lily prickled in anger at being told that she was the one who had to be careful not to get into "sticky situations" with people who thought she wasn't good enough to be in Slytherin just because her mum and dad were muggles, but when she looked up into Professor Slughorn's face she saw he was wearing a kindly expression. He seemed to be trying to help her, even if he came across as slightly strange.

"Here we are," said Professor Slughorn, "Minerva, I have a stray one of your over here," he called to Professor McGonagall, who was also bust handing out timetables.

"Ah, and what is your name Miss?" asked Professor McGonagall briskly.

"Lily Evans, Professor," said Lily.

Professor McGonagall flicked through her pile, and found Lily's timetable with much less fuss than Professor Slughorn had made handing out timetables to the three Slytherin boys.

"Ah, you're in my afternoon Potions class I see," said Professor Slughorn, peering at the timetable as Professor McGonagall handed it to Lily, "jolly good. Well, I'll let you get on and have some breakfast then, cheerio Minerva!" he added cheerfully to Professor McGonagall.

"Thank you Horace," said Professor McGonagall, "good bye."

Lily cast around for somewhere to sit. To her dismay the only free spot she could see was the next to the boy who had either pushed or fell on Severus the night before. Oh well, she thought, there's not long left of breakfast anyway. And she sighed and sat down in the seat.

"Are you alright?" asked the boy.

"Yes, fine," said Lily, a little testily.

"Sorry," said the boy, "it just looked like those Slytherins were..."

"I'm fine," said Lily again.

"Okay," said the boy, "sorry, just checking... my name's Remus by the way."

"Lily."

"Oh, so it is Lily... I thought it was... I mean, I wasn't sure... I thought it might have been Lucy," Remus laughed awkwardly.

"Why are you talking to me?" asked Lily.

"I don't know," said Remus, "do you not want me to? I can stop, sorry."

"No, no, I'm sorry. I just mean... _did _you push Severus yesterday, or was it really by accident?"

"It was really by accident," said Remus quickly, opening his hands and shaking his head slightly as if pleading for mercy, "I swear, I mean, it was my fault, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going, but I didn't mean to get him all muddy."

Lily scrutinised the boy for a moment before deciding that he was probably telling the truth. He didn't seem like the kind of boy who would push people over just for the fun of it, the boys he was sitting with on the other hand...

"Hey, look who it is! It's Smelly Evans!"

"Remus, why are you talking to _her?!"_

Remus opened his mouth as if to say something but then closed it again, looking between the boys and Lily looking somewhat lost, Lily was put in mind of Severus in their, well, mainly her, confrontation with the Slytherin boys.

"I'd finish that up quickly if I were you," said to Remus, "or you're going to be late for your first lesson."

And with that Lily stood up, and stormed out of the Great Hall, leaving her half eaten bowl of cereal behind her. _'Make some friends in your own_ _House'_, yeah right, she thought bitterly.


	13. Chapter 13

"That was mean," said Remus, "we were just talking, she didn't do anything."

"You weren't there with us on the train," said Sirius, "she's a freak, she actually _wanted_ to be in Slytherin, you don't want to go making friends with people like..."

But Sirius never got the chance to specify people like what, because in the next second a swarm of owls flooded into the Great Hall. One large eagle owl broke out of the rest of the flock and swooped down right in front of Sirius, landing elegantly on top of an empty toast rack. It folded it's wings and held it's leg out towards Sirius, tied to it was a letter, a letter in a small red envelope which was twitching as though it was physically itching to be opened.

"Bloody hell, you weren't kidding about your parents being livid if you didn't get into Slytherin," said James.

"Do you think I should open it or run for it?" asked Sirius, untying the letter.

"What is it?" asked Remus.

"It's a howler," answered Peter, looking terrified on Sirius's behalf, "if you're going to open it I'd do it quick," he added to Sirius, "it looks like it's going to start smoking soon."

"Yes... probably best... just get it over with..."

He slid one long pianist's finger under the flap and the letter jumped into the air, folding itself into a pair of lips which were twisted in rage.

"SIRIUS BLACK! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF THE SHAME YOU HAVE BROUGHT UPON YOURSELF?! YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A FOOLISH AND INSOLENT CHILD BUT THIS IS THE FINAL STRAW! YOU MAY HAVE ENDED UP IN GRYFFINDOR BUT THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN FORGET YOUR SENSE OF WIZARDING PRIDE. IF I FIND YOU HAVE BEEN CONSORTING WITH ANY OF THAT MUDBLOOD FILTH THAT HOUSE WELCOMES SO INDISCRIMINATLY, AND BELIEVE ME I _WILL_ HEAR OF IT, YOUR FATHER AND I WILL BE SENDING YOU TO DURMSTRANG! PERHAPS THERE YOU WILL LEARN SOME DIGNITY AND SOME RESPECT FOR YOUR FAMILY! IT IS ONLY OUT OF MERCY ON THE PART OF YORU FATHER THAN YOU ARE NOT BEING DISOWNED FOR THIS TREACHERY! I WILL NOT HAVE YOU BRING ANY MORE DISHONOUR ONTO OUR NOBLE HOUSEHOLD! REGULUS IS A THOUSAND TIMES THE SON YOU WILL EVER BE AND IF YOU DISGRACE YOURSELF ONE MORE TIME YOU WILL BE NO SON OF MINE AT ALL!"

And on that note the letter burst into flames, the ashes falling like snow into Sirius's pumpkin juice.

Sirius's face was pale, his expression stony and unreadable.

"Lovely woman my mother," he said in a falsely cheerful voice, smiling painfully around at James, Peter and Remus, "you should all come over for Christmas dinner, we can discuss how "pure" our blood is over Christmas pudding. If everyone really hits it off we could even slit a few throats to compare!"

Remus bit his lip, trying to think of something to say, Peter and James were equally lost for words.

"Well, we ought to get going really," said Sirius breezily, "want to leave plenty of time in case we get lost or something, it's massive this damn place isn't it? You'd think they'd give us a map or something at least."

He kept talking as he stood and picked up his bag and his timetable.

"Sirius, hold up," called James, getting clumsily to his feet and swinging his bag over his shoulder.

Peter and Remus were quick to follow suit. It was only as they were getting up that they noticed the three other owls that had joined the owl that had delivered the howler. Remus recognised his parents' owl and untied the letter from it's leg, giving it s quick scratch on the head before it flew off. He looked around and Peter was fumbling with a tight knot on the string that attached the letter to the leg of one of the other owls.

"My dad always... does this..." he muttered, "ties about a billion knots just for one... lousy... letter!" he finished triumphantly as he finally succeeded in freeing the envelope

"That one must be for James," said Remus, indicating the third owl, a big beautiful bar owl with very silky looking feathers "do you think we should get it for him?"

"Yeah, I suppose we better," said Peter, "here you do it, I've got no nails... I guess that's cause I bite them."

Remus untied James's letter and they both set off at a tentative jog to find Sirius and James. To their surprise they hadn't gone far, they were sheltering from the deluge of students headed off to their first lessons by a suit of armour. They had been talking, but stopped as Remus and Peter approached.

"Hey, sorry we had to stop for... something," said Remus, thinking it better not to flaunt the fact that they had all got loving letters from their doting parents when Sirius's mother had only written to yell at him.

"Are you alright Sirius?" asked Peter.

"Yes, fine," said Sirius, "come on, don't want to be late to Charms."

Sirius marched off ahead of all the others, and seizing the opportunity Remus cautiously placed a hand on James's arm.

"Here, a letter came for you," he said in a hushed voice that was easily drowned out by the noise of the crowd.

He slipped the letter into James's hand.

"Thanks," said James.

"No problem," said Remus, he wasn't going to say anything else, but before he knew it his mouth was open again, spewing out words without his bidding, "is Sirius okay?"

"He's fine, well, kind of upset I think but don't tell him I told you that, probably best to just let him laugh it off if that's what he wants to do. If he wants to talk about it he will. But from what I've heard about the Blacks he probably won't."

Remus and Peter both nodded, and the three of them set off to close the gap between themselves and Sirius, which was no mean feat for three first years on a crowded staircase.

Their lessons that day were fascinating. Charms was fun but harder than Remus had expected. Herbology, another practical lesson, was great too. In potions the teacher, a man called Professor Slughorn who James and Sirius immediately nicknamed "the Slug", explained that due to the amount of cauldron explosion in past years they were going to do a few lessons of theory before they attempted to brew they're first potion. The class was still fun though, Professor Slughorn had brought along several samples of potions and was awarding house points to anyone who knew their names and what they were used for. Severus Snape and Lily Evans recognised the most, and by half way through the lesson Professor Slughorn seemed to have chosen them as his favourites. Remus had looked through his textbook of course, but he still had trouble recognising any of the potions in the flesh. He did recognise one though, at first he didn't raise his hand, but when Slughorn said "come on, someone other than Miss Evans or Mr Snape" and everyone else was still looking at the potion blankly he decided someone ought to say the answer so that they could move on, and his dad had told him he had to do his to do his best to make a good impression with his teachers after all.

"Yes Mr..."

"Lupin, Sir," said Remus quietly.

"Sorry dear boy, didn't quite catch that," said Professor Slughorn jovially.

"Lupin," said Remus louder, "Remus Lupin, Sir. Um... that one's a kind of pain relief potion, for... you know... when someone's in... pain..."

Remus felt his face colour as he trailed off. His answer hadn't sounded quite as intelligent as he thought it would to say the least.

"Very good Mr Lupin," said Slughorn, "that's another point to Gryffindor, Slytherin are still in the lead I'm afraid though," he added, waving his wand at the blackboard and the chalk added another line to the tally chart of the number of points each House had earned, "Come on Gryffindors, still time to close the gap a bit..."

But no matter how interesting and fun the lessons were, the boys went through the day unable to shake the echo of Sirius's mother's howler. Sirius did not broach the subject with them, so the three other boys kept quiet about it, but all of them made sure to watch Sirius very carefully, in case he showed any signs of being upset by what his mother had said to him. Surprisingly, he didn't. Remus couldn't believe that he was completely unaffected by his mother's horrible words, he thought of his own mum and decided then that he was lucky, he had always been grateful to have loving parents who would look after him when he was ill and teach him when he couldn't go to school and play with him when he didn't have any friends to play with. He couldn't bear to imagine what life must be like for someone who's parents didn't love them, and he didn't believe for a minute that Sirius simply did not care. No, Sirius, it seemed, was a master of his features and by the end of the day Remus was watching him more in awe than in concern. Sirius clearly knew that people were watching him, so rather than trying to hide away from them he performed for them. He talked and he laughed and he smiled and he walked with long easy stride and proud chin, held just at the right height, so that whilst he was not looking down on anyone no one was going to damn well look down on him either.

Soon, Remus knew, he would have to learn to be like that. Twelve days. Twelve days and it would be his turn to put on a show. Remus hadn't done much acting before, at home he never had much of an audience. The only time he had to act in front of his parents was when he had to pretend he hadn't heard them arguing or crying or fretting about his health or how much longer the door to the basement would last before, despite his father's magical reinforcements, it gave way under the force of Remus's attempts to escape his monthly prison. But that was easy, that was just a matter of keeping quiet and out of the way. Now, as he watched Sirius, Remus realised that that alone would not fool any of these boys for very long. He would have to remind himself, when the time came, to make a conscious effort to act as if nothing was wrong. He stored that reminder away in his mind, and dwelt on the waxing of the moon no longer, for now he had to see if there was anything he could do to help Sirius.

"I am no son of hers," said Sirius unexpectedly after they had all finally retreated to the removed calm of their dormitory, "and I'm no son of my father's either. She can stuff her Wizarding pride where the sun don't shine as far as I'm, concerned. The one thing I'm proud of is not to be like them. I'm going to write to Andromeda, she'll have heard already of course, from the family. And they must have heard from Narcissa, knew she'd grass me up, bloody goody-two-shoes, she'd just like my brother."

"Andromeda's your cousin right?" asked James, "the one with the boyfriend who's got a whatsitbike?"

"Yeah," said Sirius, "Yes she'll be proud of me. She was the one who told me Slytherin wasn't all that. She should know, she was a Slytherin herself, but she's not like the others either. She told me not to say mud... the 'm' word. I didn't even know it was bad before she told me. All that howler proves is that I'm not like the rest of my family," he said, finally turning to face the rest of the boys, staring at them with wild eyes, "So I don't know if you guys are only hanging around with me because we're sharing a dorm, or because you don't know much about about my family or because you do know about my family and you're scared of what I'll do to you if you're not my friend. But you don't have to do any of that. I'm a Gryffindor, I'm not scared of being alone, I don't care what people say about me so long as they say it to my face so if you've got anything to say to me say it now."

He looked accusingly around at James, Remus and Peter.

"You're not alone mate," said James, "we don't care what your family's like, you're a Gryffindor, not a Slytherin, and that must mean you're alright."

Remus and Peter nodded in agreement.

"I'd be sad if you went to Durmstrang," said Peter timidly.

Sirius's face lit up briefly, before falling again, and then once more closing off into that stony mask. Only this time they had all seen him let it slip.

"It's not like they can _make_ you go, right?" said James.

"They're my parents, they may not be able to choose my House for me but they can send me to whatever school they want."

"Durmstrang's meant to be horrible," said Peter.

Remus hadn't heard much at all about any of the other Wizarding schools, his parents had never even talked to him about Hogwarts really, until Professor Dumbledore came. Already he was starting to feel like his isolated childhood had set him far behind every else at Hogwarts, not just in knowledge of the Wizarding world but in understanding of other people. He wished he could think of something helpful to say to Sirius, but he could think of nothing.

"Sirius, you are not going to Durmstrang," said James firmly, "just refuse, they can't physically drag you half way across Europe. Just refuse to leave Hogwarts."

"Dumbledore might be able to help," said Remus, finally speaking, "if you parents do try and send you to Durmstrang he might be able to persuade them to let you stay here if you told him what was going on."

"What can Dumbledore do? He's just a teacher."

"Just a teacher?!" exclaimed James, "Dumbledore defeated Grindelwald! He's got an Order of Merlin, he's on the chocolate frog cards!" he finished, as if that was his crowning achievement.

"D'you want a chocolate frog?" asked Peter, "my mum sent me one this morning, but you can have it if you want."

"I can't take your present," said Sirius, almost angrily.

"You can if I give it to you as a present," said Peter, "in fact you have to, it's rude not to accept a present, that's what my mum and dad say."

"Well, if you insist," said Sirius, "but only if you have a bite first."

"Sure," said Peter, "we can all share if you want."

"What? One poxy chocolate frog?!" scoffed James, "are you mad, do you not remember the feast yesterday? We don't need to go around rationing out bits of amphibious chocolate. All we need to do is find the kitchens and we can have as much of those puddings as we want!"

"I don't think students are allowed in the kitchens," frowned Remus.

"So?"

"You're going to break in?!" said Remus, half in awe, half in alarm.

"And the sickle drops," said James, "come on, we've got exploring to do."


	14. Chapter 14

"Remus. Come on we're going to be late. Remus. Remus! Oi! Come on, wake up!"

Remus opened his eyes blearily, despite his early night his sleep had been broken up by bad dreams and fever and now that it was time to get up he felt even more exhausted than when he had gone to bed.

"Merlin Remus, we've been trying to get you up for ages," said James, "come on, get a move on, McGonagall will disembowel us if we're late again."

"Sorry," mumbled Remus, he still wasn't quite awake and the word just sort of tumbled out his mouth.

He forced himself to sit up and swing his legs out from under the covers. He leant over to the chest of drawers and pulled out fresh underwear, and the set of robed he had been wearing yesterday which lay folded on top of his trunk. He made to pull the hangings closed so that he could change in private but James said:

"Forget that Remus, it's not like we're going to stare or anything we've all got one."

"And besides," said Sirius, "we won't have time for breakfast of you don't hurry up."

But of course, it wasn't _that_ that Remus was worried about James, Peter and Sirius seeing.

"It's okay, you three go and have breakfast I'll meet you in Transfiguration."

"What? And miss breakfast?!" exclaimed Sirius, "Dear Merlin Remus, are you feeling alright?!"

It was evidently meant to be a joke for Sirius laughed, James laughed too so Remus joined in weakly. Sirius had actually come a great deal closer to the truth than he thought he had. Every inch of Remus's body was aching and all this talk of breakfast just made him feel queasy, but he had to keep up the act for as long as he could, at least while his dormmates were here.

"I can wait until lunch," he said, "you three should go and get some breakfast before it's all gone."

"Well, see you in Transfiguration then," said Sirius.

"We'll bring you some toast," said James, "see this is why we need to find those bloody kitchen quicksmart, then we won;t need to worry about getting up early we can just eat as much as we want when we want..."

"Thank you," said Remus, deciding that arguing would only be a waste of time and energy.

Sirius and James left, as usual, without inviting Peter to come with them. Though this time instead of hurrying after them Peter approached Remus and crouched down so that now Peter was looking slightly upwards towards Remus instead of the other way around.

"Are you alright Remus?" he asked.

"I'm fine Peter," smiled Remus, "save me a seat in Transfiguration yeah?"

Peter looked at Remus uncertainly for a moment longer before answering "okay", then he slung his bag over his shoulder and left.

As soon as the door closed behind him Remus dropped the act and fell back onto the bed, where he rolled over and held his head in his hands, trying to rally his strength for the coming day. After Merlin knew how long he decided that he really ought be getting a move on if he wanted to keep his bowels firmly inside his body, for another few hours at least. After washing his face and brushing his teeth he felt a little refreshed, but still weak and ill and disgusting. He made a face at himself in the mirror, sighed and then returned to the dormitory to get dressed.

He arrived at his Transfiguration lesson just in the nick of time. Peter had been as good as his word and saved him a seat next to him. James and Sirius had been as good as theirs and immediately upon sitting down leant forward from the desk behind to present with four handfuls of toast.

"Merlin how many Remuses are you trying to feed?" joked Remus quietly, so as not to attract the attention of the strict Professor McGonagall.

"Peter thought you looked a bit peaky so we brought extra," shrugged James.

"Well I can't eat in class."

"Of course you can, you've just got to be discrete," said James.

"And if you get caught just calmly explain that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and no one can learn on an empty stomach," said Sirius, "getting out of trouble's easy it's just a confidence trick."

"Which means it's only easy for people like you," said Remus, quiet enough so that the others would only be able to hear if they were listening.

The lesson started and the conversation ended with Remus sweeping the toast onto the side of his chair, perching on the other half as he train to turn his match into a needle. Fifteen minutes into the lesson and Remus was frustrated, in their last lesson a few days ago Remus had been turning his matchstick into a needle and back again nine times out of ten and now it appeared he was back to square one. He was getting a headache, he slumped his forehead against his left hand while with the right he continued to make more and more violent slashing motions with his wand. He knew he was doing it wrong but he didn't particularly care anymore, it wasn't as if doing it right would get him any better results.

Behind him James and Sirius had got bored of transfiguring their matches into needles and back again, both of them had mastered the technique with infuriating ease, and where now using the levitating charm Professor Flitwick had been teaching them to stage a needle sword fight in mid air. Beside him Peter had given up on his own, still pathetically wooden, matchstick to marvel at the spectacle. Remus decided he might as well give up too, and spent the rest of the lesson staring into the middle distance from under drooping eyelids.

After Transfiguration the four boys left for History of Magic. Remus ate a slice of toast to appease James, Sirius and Peter but put the rest in the bin when they arrived in the History of Magic classroom. It had by now been established that it was perfectly acceptable to doodle, doze, or do pretty much anything you wanted to in Binn's lessons for the two simple reasons that Binn's wouldn't notice and that even if he did he probably wouldn't care. Having said that Remus had always up until now taken diligent notes in History of Magic, turned in every piece of homework on time and always took the trouble to go to the library and look up any topic he did not fully understand. He knew that he was lucky to be given this opportunity, and he had to do everything he could to make the most of it. How ungrateful would it be to not pay attention in a lesson Professor Dumbledore had gone to such lengths to make sure he could attend?! And yet today Remus periodically realised with a start that his quill had stopped moving, he had lost the thread of Binn's perpetual drawl, and he had dripped ink onto his parchment, blurring his patchy notes on Someone-or-other the Magnificent. He doubted James, Sirius or Peter's notes would be of much better quality, maybe he could ask to borrow one of the girls' after the full moon so that he could fill in the gaps.

When the bell rang for lunch and they all stood up to leave without waiting for Binns to dismiss them as if the man didn't notice his own death no one held out much hope for him hearing the bell go. As he stood up Remus was hit by a wave of dizziness which he thought he managed to disguise pretty well in the rush of people grabbing bags and tucking in chairs.

"Are you alright Remus?" asked James, as Remus picked at his beef wellington, cutting the food slowly into small chunks so as to make it seem like he was eating more.

"Yeah I'm fine," said Remus brightly, eating a forkful of his food and smiling to prove it.

"You just seem a bit out of it today," said James, "and you haven't eaten much."

"I'm fine," said Remus, wishing he could think of something better to say.

"If he says he's fine he's fine," said Sirius, stepping in, "if there was something wrong you'd say so wouldn't you Remus?"

"Of course," said Remus, looking into Sirius's eyes as earnestly as he could.

Luckily James dropped it after that. Remus wondered whether Sirius was less observant than the other two boys, or if he was in fact more observant, and had realised that Remus did not want to talk about what was wrong. At that point in time Remus inclined to lean towards the former.

After lunch was double Herbology, normally a fun practical lesson, today two hours of standing up with an aching back. As time passed the pain built until it was actually making him feel nauseous. He wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball on the sofa at home with his mum and his dad. The pain was blurring everything, he tried to steady himself on the workbench but he seemed to fall right through it, like liquid falling through liquid.

"Remus are you okay?" asked Peter next to him, "Remus, what's wrong?"

"What's up Peter? Remus? Peter what's wrong with him?"

"He must be ill, James tell Professor Sprout, Peter, what happened?"

"I dunno, I think you're right, he must be sick, like I said..."

"I'm fine," said Remus, straightening up and finding himself supported by Sirius and Peter.

"Remus?! Is he alright? What's going on?"

"Go away Evans, tell those lot to stop gawping."

If Lily replied Remus didn't hear it. James had returned with Professor Sprout who was ushering him outside and sitting him down on the grass. She let him breath in the fresh air for a while, holding his head between his knees, she waited until Remus looked up before speaking.

"Better get you off to the Hospital Wing."

"I think I'm fine to stay until the end of the lesson."

"Nonsense, can you stand? Are you still feeling dizzy?"

Remus only felt a little light headed now so he answered that no, he wasn't dizzy and yes, he could stand. Still Professor Sprout put a supporting arm around him as she escorted him to the Hospital Wing.

A lot of fussing and one bitter tasting potion later and Remus was lying in one of the crisply made Hospital Wing beds, chastising himself for making such a scene back in Herbology. Only the first full moon and he had already managed to draw attention to the fact that he was ill in front of all the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws in his year. 'Why do I have to be so weak?!' he thought to himself 'Why couldn't I just brave it till the end of the day?'. And then he thought something he had never allowed himself to think before, 'it's just not fair!' Immediately he chastised himself for that too. He had been given the most wonderful opportunity he could ever have hoped for, he was the luckiest boy to ever have lived. And yet James and Sirius and Peter didn't have to transform into a werewolf every month, they didn't have to pretend not to be sick. They walked these corridors like it was their right to be here rather than their privilege. Great, now he was just being jealous. Remus had never really been jealous before, he had dwelt on the vague notion that there were people out there who were never sick, who had friends, who had never so much as broken a bone, but he had never had anyone real to be jealous of. Bloody hell, now he was crying? Why was he crying? He hadn't cried before the full moon in years, well, not until right before at least. For Merlin's sake, he was eleven years old! He was at Hogwarts now! He shouldn't need his mother to comfort him anymore!

"Mr Lupin, what's wrong? Are you in pain?"

Remus jumped to hear a voice that was not his mother's or father's. He felt a cold hand on his head and belatedly realised that it was the matron's, that she must have heard him sobbing, despite how hard he had bitten down on his tongue trying to stop them.

Remus opened his mouth. He tongue felt too big for his mouth and his lower lip trembled. He tried to say that he was okay, that he didn't need any more potions, but all that happened was that more tears sprang from his eyes.

"There there, sweetie, come on now, sit up and have a drink of water and I'll fetch you a calming draught okay? Can you tell me what's wrong Remus?"

"I..." began Remus, trying to say for a second time that he was fine, but instead he found himself saying "I... w... I w... want to g... go... home!"

For a moment Poppy didn't know what to do, and then she did something which would have got her fired from her old job in St. Mungo's, she bent down and pulled the crying boy into a hug.

"Shh... there there... it's okay..."

Remus felt the Matron's arms close around him, and that was when he couldn't control it anymore, he lost all self restraint and cried and cried. Not like had cried in his mother's arms, bit because he felt safe enough to cry but because he felt wretched enough. Because he did want to go home. He didn't care that he was getting the best magical education he could hope for. He didn't care that Dumbledore had gone to so many lengths to ensure that he could come here. He just wanted to be back at home with his mum and his dad.

"There there Remus, everything's going to be okay, I'm going to take care of you alright?"

"S-sorry," sobbed Remus.

"No need to apologise Remus, you're no trouble, honestly."

"I sh-shouldn't be crying... I'm at... I'm at Ho-Hogwarts."

"There's no shame in crying Remus," said Madam Pomfrey, settling Remus back down onto his pillows, "you're not well at the moment, of course you miss your mum and your dad. It's hard being sick away from home. But I'm going to do everything I can to make you feel at home here alright Remus?"

Remus nodded. But none of the matron's kind words could take away his homesickness, or his shame any more than her potions could stop his transformation.


	15. Chapter 15

"Yes!" exclaimed James, untying a brown paper package from his owl's foot, "it's here! I _knew _Dad would let me have it."

"What is it?" asked Sirius, dunking a soldier into his boiled egg.

"Not here," said James, leaning in towards Sirius and Peter and lowering his voice "this is top secret, if this is what I think it is this castle is going to be ours, we'll open it back at the dorm."

It was Sunday so the students were having a leisurely breakfast instead of hurriedly eating toast while finishing off last night's essay. Remus was still sick in the Hospital Wing, Peter was beginning to worry about him, surely he should be better by now? He was also beginning to feel a bit lonely. He had spent Saturday with James and Sirius and they had had a good time exploring the castle some more, looking for the fabled kitchens and even a secret passage way into Hogsmeade which James was adamant existed, though Peter wasn't so sure, it sounded like a story someone could have easily just made up. But although Sirius and James were kind enough to let him come along they seemed to absorbed in each other's company to pay him much notice. He couldn't believe that they had only met on the train ride up to Hogwarts, they were already laughing at things that made sense only to them, leaving Peter feeling that maybe he was just to slow on the uptake. He really needed Remus there to see whether it was just him, or whether James and Sirius were really off in a world of their own.

Now though, all three boys were united in anticipation of what was inside James's mysterious package. They hurried back to the dormitory, annoying Nearly Headless Nick by running right through him. When they opened the door they were surprised to be greeted by a "hello". They all turned to the source of the sound and saw Remus sitting on his bed sorting through a pile of papers and books.

He still looked a bit ill, or so Peter thought, his face looked thin and pale and he had faint tired circles under his eyes. Nevertheless, he was smiling and looking curiously at James's parcel.

"What have you got in there?" he asked.

"A key," said James, "the key, more precisely, to our success as supreme rulers of this castle. With this we can do whatever we like without the slightest possibility of getting into any trouble."

"Oh," said Remus, "bit big and floppy for a key isn't it?"

"Get your butt over here and all will be revealed," said James, "you feeling better then?"

"Yeah, much better thank you," said Remus.

"What was wrong with you?" asked Sirius, rather bluntly.

"Err... I don't really know, Madam Pomfrey said I just had a fever and... yeah, well I'm fine now. So, are you going to open it then?"

"Prepare, gentlemen, to witness magic at it's best," said James, and with that he theatrically ripped open the paper, revealing a pile of silky fabric.

"What's that?! A pair of silk pyjamas?!" cackled Sirius.

"No you numnut! Watch."

James stood up, picking up the cloak and twirling it round himself.

Three jaws dropped simultaneously.

"Brilliant right?" said James's floating head, his eyes sparkling with mischievous glee behind his glasses.

"That's an invisibility cloak!" breathed Peter.

"Ten points to Gryffindor for that excellent observation Mr Pettigrew," said James.

"Bloody hell," said Sirius, "and your parents just let you have this?"

"Well, they said if I was good I could have it on my birthday, or if I was really good then maybe Christmas, but I knew they'd weaken sooner than that. I've asked about it every time I've written home."

"This is amazing," said Remus, "can I touch it?"

"You can wear it if you want!" said James, "here, I wonder if we can all fit under it. Come on!"

After much stumbling and wobbling in front of the mirror the four boys found that they could, in fact, all just about squeeze under the Invisibility Cloak so long as Sirius, tallest of the four boys by a good half a head, bent down slightly. Then of course they had to master the delicate art of walking under it without tripping one another up and causing all four of them to tumble out from under the Cloak and fall in a tangled mess on the floor. They spent a good hour or so just walking around their dorm, giggling shamelessly and throwing good natured insults at one another when someone got in their way. Remus knew he should be catching up on the work that he had missed, but he couldn't bring himself to leave the others when they were having so much fun. It was less fun of course when they fell over and he found himself getting kicked and elbowed. With another squirm of guilt he thought about what Madam Pomfrey or his parents would say if they saw him now, his mum and dad were always nagging him about being careful not to hurt himself when he was playing after the full moon, and Madam Pomfrey had warned him only this morning not to play rough with anyone until his wounds had healed fully. But none of them understood, none of them had experienced the amount of pure concentrated pain Remus underwent every month. And consequently none of them understood that small amounts of physical pain like this were nothing compared to the overwhelming wealth of happiness he was feeling right now.

Eventually, when the boys had had enough they all fell back onto Sirius's bed, laughing and listening to James regaling them all with his grand plans of expeditions to the unexplored depths of the castle, but he also had more immediate missions in mind.

"We should start off by going to Filch's office," he said, "I bet he has loads of cool stuff in there that he's confiscated off students, dung bombs, biting envelopes, you name it I bet he's got it. We'll go tonight, it'll be quieter then so it'll be easier to move about in the cloak, I know a charm that can unlock doors, I doubt he sleeps in his office so we'll have the run of the place!"

"Your parents are wicked James, make sure you tell them that in your next letter," said Sirius.

"I will, so you fellers up for it?"

"Definitely!" exclaimed Sirius.

"Us too?!" asked Peter.

"Of course," said James, "the more the merrier, we'll need lookout anyway, and we can all fit under the Cloak so it's not like anyone needs to stay behind. You up for it Remus?"

"Err..."

"You don't need to sorry about getting in trouble," said James, "there's no way they'll be able to catch us under this, even if they know someone's there there's no way they'll be able to know it's us."

But it wasn't being caught Remus was worried about. It was all well and good not being all that careful of his wounds when he was playing, but Remus _knew_ that he should really get a good night's sleep tonight if he didn't want to be tired for his lessons the next day. Before coming to Hogwarts he had promised his parents that he would take care of himself, he had been working hard ever since Professor Dumbledore's visit to prove to them that he was mature enough to look after his own and others' safety while he was at Hogwarts. And now, after only the first full moon he was going back on that promise. Well, not _really_, going back on it, he thought, of course now he was at Hogwarts he wouldn't be able to take as good care of himself as he would do at home. He had work to do for one thing, that had to come first, and then there was Peter, Sirius and James, weren't they important? One day, if he tried very hard, these three boys might even want to be his friends. If they were being kind to him by offering to let him come with them on a midnight adventure it would be downright rude to refuse, and his parents had always told him that good manners cost nothing but have great value.

"Sure," he said, "I'd love to come, thank you."

"Great!" said James, "hey, have you eaten? It might be time for lunch soon if you want to head down to the Great Hall?"

"Um, it's okay," said Remus, "I had breakfast already, I need to catch up on some of the work I missed."

"Oh don't worry about that," said Sirius, "if you're sick the teachers can't make you do the work, that's just not fair."

"I... I think I'll just do it anyway," said Remus, "just to be on the safe side, can't do any harm."

"Fair enough," said James, "but if you get bored make sure you come and find us, you don't want to be sitting inside on a lovely day like today. We were going to go outside and find something to do weren't we?"

"Yeah," said Sirius, "you're welcome to join us if you get fed up of work."

"Thank you, I'll come and find you if I finish," smiled Remus.

The three boys said their goodbyes and Remus went back to his work, his spirits considerably lifted. It really was a lovely day.


	16. Chapter 16

_Dear Tuney,_

_How's it going? How's school? Do you still have that weird teacher who sniffs her hands all the time for geography? We've got our fair share of strange teachers here at Hogwarts too, they're all really nice though. I've spoken to Professor Dumbledore, just like I promised_

Lily twiddled her quill between her fingers as she thought about what to write, how to write it. She'd lost count of how many times she'd attempted to write this letter and gotten a few lines in only to screw it up and chuck it in the fire. She dipped her quill in the ink well and held it, poised, above the parchment, still with no clue as to what to write next. Then she was startled by the sound of someone clearing their throat close behind her. She hurriedly hid the letter beneath her hand as she turned around to see who it was.

"Sorry, I can go away if you're busy."

"Christ Remus you frightened the life out of me, I didn't know you were back, you feeling better then?"

"Yes, yes I'm fine, thank you."

"That's good," said Lily, "um... can I help you with anything?"

"Oh yeah!" said Remus, and he at once started fumbling with a wad of parchment in his hands, "sorry, give me a second, I was just wondering if you could help me with... ah! Okay here it is. Yes so, I was wondering if you could help me with this Potions essay, I... you know... I missed the lesson where we made the forgetfulness potion so..."

"I think I've got the method written down somewhere," said Lily, "here, sit down and make sure no one nicks my chair, I'll go and get it from my dorm."

She stood up, being careful to take the letter with her and hopped off to her dormitory. It didn't take her long to find the work from the lesson Remus had missed and stow the letter safely under her bedsheet. When she returned to the Common Room Remus was waiting patiently for her. In the flickering light of the fire he still looked very tired, but her perked up when he saw her, though he was giving off the distinct impression of someone putting on an act of being in better spirits than they actually were.

"Found it," said Lily cheerfully, sitting down again in the chair opposite Remus so that the little table was inbetween them.

"Thank you so much for this," said Remus.

"Oh it's no trouble," said Lily, "okay so do you want me to go through it with you?"

"That's be great, yes please."

So Lily talked him through the method, answering his questions as he went along, and Remus made notes on the various ingredients and their importance for his essay.

"I honestly can't thank you enough for this Lily, I'm dead rubbish at Potions, me and Peter managed to melt my cauldron making that cure for boils."

"You just need more practise," said Lily, "I think potions is one of those things you can't learn out of a book. Maybe you should ask Slughorn if you can have a go at making the forgetfulness potions one day after lessons?"

"No, there's no point bothering him," said Remus.

"I'm sure he's let you," said Lily, "if you're keen to learn then he's actually really nice."

"If you're keen to learn and you're _clever_ then he's actually really nice," Remus corrected her.

"I'm sure you clever Remus."

Remus smiled and shook his head.

"It wouldn't be fair to ask him to give up his time just for me," he said, "I'll get plenty more chance to practise I'm sure."

"Yeah..." said Lily.

They drifted into silence as Remus planned out his essay, frowning at his notes and tapping the occasional word with his quill. Lily's mind however was miles and miles away in Cokeworth, wondering what Petunia was doing now. Whether she was angry that she hadn't had a letter from her sister yet, or whether she was glad that was well and truly shot of her. Wondering whether she would ever forgive her for leaving her. They were sisters, they were meant to stick together, no matter what. But it wouldn't be forever, she'd be back home for Christmas! And everyone else at Hogwarts was leaving their family too. She was sure loads of people had brothers or sisters who weren't magical, or weren't old enough to go to Hogwarts yet. She hadn't really talked to the other girls in her dorm much, so she didn't know whether anyone else was missing home, or feeling guilty about not missing home at all. And she couldn't talk about things like that with Sev, she knew what his home life was like. She blinked and brought herself back to the here and now. Glancing over at Remus, who she saw quickly look back down at his work. He'd been watching her, she wondered for how long. She could always ask Remus. Asking Remus would be safe, they didn't know each other that well, they weren't part of the same group of friends. Anything she said to Remus would be entirely separate from everything else.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" she asked.

Remus looked up, shocked.

"No," he said after a while.

"Oh," said Lily, a little disappointed that he wouldn't be able to understand what she was feeling. Only children never understood the unique relationship between siblings. That was why Severus was never able to understand how much Petunia meant to her.

"Do you?" asked Remus.

"Huh?"

"Do you... have any brothers or sisters?" asked Remus, "I'm sorry, I thought I was meant to ask you back."

"Oh no, it's okay, yes, yes I do, a sister."

"That's nice," said Remus, and then after a moment of uncomfortable silence he added "older or younger?"

"Older," smiled Lily, "but only by a couple of years. She's called Petunia. She's can be a bit bossy sometimes, but she's great really."

It was a wonderful relief, talking about Petunia in the simple way she would have talked about her when she was five years old and magic didn't exist and no one was a freak.

"It must be nice to have someone older than you who's not your parents," said Remus, "you know, who you can talk to and... and get help with things and stuff."

"Yeah," said Lily.

Yes, only children always said the same thing. They thought of brothers and sisters as nothing more than really close friends. When really they were something different, something more in so many ways. Everything Lily had ever felt towards Petunia she felt with a ferocity she had never felt with even Severus, she had loved her viciously, hated her fiercely, been so jealous of her she had felt as though she were about to explode. Having a sister was not just a case of having a sister, it was _being_ a sister. And that was as alien a state of being to an only child as being a goldfish.

"Do you miss her?" asked Remus.

Lily realised she must have zoned out again, for Remus was looking at her with a look of concern which made him look even more tired. He must have been very unwell.

"We had a sort of argument before I left," said Lily, "I feel terrible about it now. I was trying to write to her earlier, but it's just so hard to put things like that in a letter you know."

Remus nodded, though Lily was sure he was just nodding along.

"Do you miss your mum and dad?" asked Lily, more for a change of subject than anything else.

"Not really," said Remus, "a bit... sometimes a lot."

He looked so forlorn that at once Lily felt sick with guilt, not towards Remus but because she knew she should be missing her family too. She should be wanting to go home, she should be back in Cokeworth, going to school every morning with Petunia and all her friends from primary school. Or if not there then she should at least be sitting in the Slytherin Common Room with Severus, talking about this earnestly with him, sharing their secrets in the way they used to by the river in Spinner's End, not discussing her most intimate and tenuous relationships with this boy who wasn't even her friend. She had betrayed them. She had betrayed them all. Maybe she was a freak, maybe she really was a wicked witch, a wicked wicked child who could never love anybody enough. Who's only talent was abandoning people.

"Lily... are... are you alright?"

"Yes," said Lily defiantly, though her voice cracked, betraying her like she had betrayed Tuney and Sev, "I'm fine."

And feeling the hotness of tears on her face she leapt up and ran for the portrait hole. She couldn't go back to the dorm. The other girls might be there, and they would laugh at her for sure. She knew it was past curfew, but she wouldn't go far, just far enough to get out of everybody's sight so that she could cry and cry as she allowed herself to feel all the pain she deserved for being such a bad friend and a bad sister.

Remus half rose from his chair as Lily fled, crying from the Common Room. He didn't know whether to go after her. He had never had any friends to comfort before, and Lily wasn't even his friend! Not yet at any rate. Whenever he was upset at home his mum or his dad would always come and find him, but that was always against his will, and often despite him hiding in the best place he could find. Maybe Lily just wanted some time alone. Afterall, it was embarrassing to cry, it would make people think you were weak. But sometimes you just had to cry, and then it was better to do it by yourself.

"Merlin, what's up with her?"

Remus started at the voice and turned around to see James, Peter and Sirius had abandoned their game of exploding snap to join him in staring after Lily. It was James who had spoken.

"I don't know," said Remus, "she just started crying, I don't know what I did."

"You probably didn't do anything," said Sirius, "girls are just cry-babies. Come on, now you've done with that essay we can get going on our super secret mission."

"It's not super secret if you keep talking about it so loud they can heard you on Jupiter!" said James, "we need to think of a code name for it, like... operation... something-something."

Sirius, Peter and Remus burst out laughing.

"Oh very imaginative James," said Sirius, "operation something-something, your flair for the English language is almost poetic."

"Oh shut up, I'll think of one soon enough," said James, "come on, let's head up to the dorm so Remus can dump his Potions crap and we get the you know what."

"The you know what?" started Sirius.

"Shut up you berk, it's code names or getting grassed up by the nearest teacher's pet."

Sirius continued his teasing of James all the way up to the dorm. Peter followed their playful argument back and forth like an avid spectator of a tennis match, but Remus was still puzzling over what he had done to upset Lily so much. Was Remus a mean person? He had never considered the possibility before. He always thought that if he was nothing else at least he was kind, but perhaps he wasn't. After all, who had he had the chance to be kind to before Hogwarts. 'Kind' was just an abstract concept introduced to him by his parents, who had assured him on platform nine and three quarters that "a lovely kind boy like him would be sure to make friends". But maybe he wasn't kind. Maybe being kind was something you had to work hard at, something that took practise. Who would have thought that the path to making friends would full of bumps and potholes. All his parent's advice about being kind, being polite, being sociable suddenly seemed inadequate and irrelevant. What did all those things mean anyway? Remus had always assumed he would be able to make friends if his parents ever gave him the chance, and so long as those prospective friends did not know he was a werewolf. But what if he wasn't friend material? People wanted fun, kind friends like Sirius, James and Peter. Friends who had brought him breakfast when they noticed he was sick, friends who were including him now on their "super secret mission" when they had absolutely no obligation to. What had Remus done for any of them in return. What could he ever offer anyone in return for their friendship?

"Hey, come on Remus, let's not wait for the grass to grow," said James.

He was standing by the door holding the invisibility cloak, Sirius and Peter standing next to him, all waiting for him.

"Sorry," said Remus, dropping his Potions paraphernalia on his bed, he'd tidy it up later, and hurrying over to his friends.

"Are you alright mate?" asked Peter, "you're not still unwell are you?"

"I'm okay, thank you," said Remus.

"Good, shall we go then?" said James.

And as practised they all huddled together and covered themselves with the invisibility cloak. It was quite a job getting down the stairs, they were very lucky not to meet anyone coming up, and getting through the portrait hole was even harder, but luckily everyone else was too absorbed in their own activities to notice the odd disembodied foot.

On the other side of the Fat Lady's portrait they rearranged the cloak again so that they were completely covered. And set off up the stairs. That had been the first point of disagreement. James had declared authoritatively that all the cool things would be at the very top of the castle. Sirius on the other hand protested that if there were any hidden room or secret passages or the like they would "obviously" be at the bottom. There was much to-ing and fro-ing between the two, but James eventually won with a simple "it's my cloak so I get to choose where we go first". So up the stairs it was.

The castle had a different feel at night. It felt simultaneously more magical and more menacing. Remus was very glad he was not alone. All four boys soon seemed to forget what their actual "super secret mission" was, becoming entranced by the very fabric of the castle. Remus certainly found the labyrinthine layout of the twisting corridors and contrary staircases somewhat hypnotic. It was only when the first yawn escaped him that he realised how tired he was, and yet his eyes were wide and alert in his skull. The silence of the night air seemed to tingle in his ears. And then all of a sudden it wasn't silent.

"...don't care how urgent your bloody letter was you can wait until morning! Curfew applies to everyone, now come on and back to your Common Room with you. And you can report to my office for detention tomorrow at five. And if you think I won't give you something nasty cause you're a first year, or if you cry again then you clearly haven't gotten to know me well enough yet. If you want to stay in this school you abide by the rules. Is that clear?"

"Yes Sir."

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter peered around the door to what must have been the Owlery to see the caretaker, Mr Filch, glaring down at a red faced Lily Evans.

"Bloody hell, the teacher's pet got a detention before us," murmured James, "wicked."

"She's still crying," whispered Remus.

"Should we do something?" asked Peter.

"Like what, jump in there and save her like a knight in shining armour?" Sirius replied, "no bloody way, he'll just give us detention too, besides, it'll do her good, bring her down a peg or two."

They watched as Filch and Mrs Norris ushered Lily down the stairs, back towards the Gryffindor Common Room.

"How did you say you mad her cry again?" asked James.

"I didn't make her cry!" hissed Remus, "well, I don't know, I must have done I suppose, but not on purpose!"

"Yeah but you still managed to get her in detention though," said Sirius, "that's pretty good going whether it was on purpose or not."

Remus didn't reply. He had not even thought of that, but Sirius was right, it was his fault Lily had gotten in detention.

"Don't worry about it Remus," said Peter, "I'm sure she's alright, I'm sure it wasn't your fault."

Remus nodded mechanically.

"D'you want to go back Remus?" asked James.

Remus nodded again, not trusting himself to speak but trying to convey in a look that he was sorry to have ruined their adventure. But he really didn't feel in the mood for exploring any more. He felt tired and wretched and miserable and his various aches and pains from his transformation were asserting themselves again.

"Come on," said Sirius, putting his arm around Remus, and they headed back to the dorm, the corridors illuminated by the moon which had just begun to wane.


	17. Chapter 17

"Merlin, come on you lot are taking _forever_! If we don't get out on the Quidditch field first all the best brooms will be taken!"

"We've got ages James," said Sirius, "and besides, I'm hungry, I'm not going to be able to eat again until twelve."

"Doesn't mean you have to take your time eating all daintily though, come on you could finish that in two mouthfuls."

Sirius had never seen anyone literally twitching with excitement before. But James looked like someone had cast tarantallegra on him the way he was jiggling about in his seat.

"If I was a troll maybe!" he laughed.

"Come on, are excited for Quidditch or not?!"

"I don't think we're actually playing Quidditch today," said Remus, "I think they're just teaching us how to fly first."

"But what if we already know how to fly?"

"I don't know," Remus shrugged, "maybe they'll make it harder for you if you're already pretty good."

"How hard d'you think it'll be?" asked Peter, "I've flown before obviously, but I haven't had that much practise yet."

"Don't worry Peter, it'll be a piece of goblin's piss if we really are starting right from the basics."

"Don't worry Peter," said Remus, seeing that James's assurance didn't seem to have helped much, "I've never even ridden a broom before, so you'll be better than me at any rate."

"WHAT?!" demanded James, whipping around and looking at Remus like he'd just announced that he was from Neptune, he actually looked quite scary, "Merlin Remus you have been missing out! Flying is amazing, it's the best thing in the world, you'll love it! How come?! Was it just your parents not letting you again? Are they really strict?"

"No," said Remus, "they're just kind of over protective and they worry too much. Maybe it's because I'm their only child."

"That's rubbish. I'm an only child and my parents let me do pretty much what I want... within reason."

"Yeah but your parents are just amazing," said Sirius, "they gave you an _invisibility cloak_ for crying out loud!"

""I suppose I am pretty lucky compared to you two," said James, "tell me you've ridden a broom Sirius."

"Oh of course," said Sirius, "we never got much chance in London, but whenever we went and stayed at my great grandparents old estate in Devon me and Regulus would spend entire days playing two-man Quidditch together. Somehow he'd not such an annoying prat when he'd on a broom."

"That's because Quidditch is wicked and even prats can't help but enjoy it. Now bloody hurry up will you we're going to be late!"

"That's funny James, because my watch and Remus's and Peter's all say that we're twenty minutes early."

"The early bird catches the flobberworm Sirius."

"We're late for lessons nearly every day!"

"Yes but this is _flying_ Sirius, Peter you've had enough potato cakes! If you guys aren't ready in the next minute I swear I'm leaving without..."

"I'm finished," said Remus, indicating his clear plate.

"Good, well, looks like me and Remus are getting the best brooms guys. We'll see you on the field eh. Not sure you'll see us though, we'll be the ones zooming around so fast you can't even see us while you're pootling along on moth-eaten comet 140s that are probably older than Dumbledore."

"Alright alright we're finished," said Sirius, and the three of the picked up their bags and were herded out of the hall by a still twitchy, hyperactive James.

"I'm telling you," he was saying, "it's bloody nonsense that we're not allowed to bring our own brooms. I got the new cleansweep for my birthday especially so that I could play for the Gryffindor. Are you three going to try out as well?"

"Maybe," said Sirius, "we're not allowed until next year though right."

"Yeah, but still, it's worth thinking about it now, what about you two?"

"It'd be wicked to play for Gryffindor," said Peter, "I'm definitely going to try out."

"I don't think I will," said Remus.

"I'm sure you'll change your mind after today," grinned James, "wouldn't it be awesome if we all made the team?"

"That would be brilliant," said Peter.

"I'm going to try out for either Chaser or Seeker," said James, "I'd prefer Chaser, it's more exciting, you get to actually be in the middle of the chaos instead of skirting around looking for the Snitch the entire time. But I'm good at Seeking as well so if there's no opening for the spot of Chaser then I'd be just as well to go for that instead. What about you lot? You'd probably be a good Chaser as well Sirius. I don't know though, how strong are you? You might make a good Beater, though they're normally older years, for obvious reasons. Is suppose you might make an okay Beater as well Peter, you're not exactly the right build for anything else. You look like you'd make a good Seeker Remus, are you fast? How's your co-ordination? Cause you can't be clumsy if you're a Seeker, or if you're a Chaser or Keeper really. That's he thing about Quidditch, you have to be fit obviously but it's more important to be skilful, so even people like you two could probably be alright if you trained up a bit so long as you understanding of the game's good..."

James continued his waffling all the way to the Quidditch field, and carried on while they were standing in line waiting for the class to begin until the flying instructor, Madam Hooch told him that if he didn't stop talking while she was talking he wouldn't be allowed to take part in the lesson at all.

Finally Madam Hooch finished giving them their instructions, most of which had been to do with safety, and told them all to mount their brooms, something which, for reasons Remus did not understand, began with ordering their brooms to fly into their hands.

"Up?" he said uncertainly, looking down at his broom.

Nothing happened. He look around to see how other people were doing it. He was glad to see he was not the only one who hadn't done it. In fact James was one of the few people to have done it first time.

"Up," he said again, trying to will the broom to fly up towards him with his mind.

"You're not asking it a favour Remus," laughed James, who had turned to watch how his friends were getting on, "you've got to tell it. It's your broom, it's got to obey you!"

"Thanks," said Remus, "up!"

It still took several more attempts for the broom to fly into Remus's hand, but thankfully he was not the last person to do it. The last was in fact Severus Snape. Who in the end whipped out his wand and did a subtle wingardium leviosa, something Remus thought was a actually quite clever, and certainly seemed easier than shouting yourself hoarse at a bundle of twigs. James and Sirius however seemed to find Snape's cheating hilarious. And both of them got another warning for disrupting the lesson.

Now that everyone had their broom in their hands, it was finally time for what James had got them out of bed an hour early for, flying. Though Madam Hooch made sure to stress that they were only to hover on the spot and that they were not to exceed a height of four feet under _any_ circumstances.

"Every year there are always some students who think they already know everything there is to know about flying, and like to show off about it." She looked sternly again at James, "Apart from spoiling the lesson for those who have not had the opportunity to ride a broom before, these students are _without fail_ the ones who land up in the Hospital Wing half way through the lesson."

James rolled his eyes at Sirius, who returned the gesture. But Madam Hooch either didn't notice or chose to ignore it, for she did not stop to tell them off before blowing her whistle and signalling for the students to rise up off the floor by pulling back on the handle as instructed.

James and Sirius immediately shot upwards, though Sirius's take off was a little more wobbly than James. The two of the then hovered at a cheeky four and half feet and surveyed the rest of the class's attempts to leave the ground.

Next to him Peter had decided to take a similar approach, only he must have pulled up too sharply, for on his first attempt the broom shot out and up from underneath him, going cartwheeling through the air like a balloon with the air let out of it and making Peter slip up and land flat in his back. Remus had to admire his determination however, as despite that rather disastrous first attempt he wasted no time in collecting the broom and trying to same approach again, with similar results.

Murmuring Madam Hooch's instructions to himself Remus tried to follow suit. Taking things slowly so as not to fall on the floor as Peter had done, he rose up onto his tiptoes, and, closing his eyes, pushed himself off the ground. He kept his eyes closed for a beat, waiting to come crashing down onto the muddy grass, but that did not happen, neither did he feel like he was falling at all. He opened his eyes and there he was, floating precariously about two feet off the ground. On realising that fact he felt himself wobble a bit and gripped tightly to the broom, adjusting his weight to stabilise himself, and soon he was steady again. He looked to his right and saw that Peter too had made it off the groud. Looking muddy but happy as he levitated slightly higher than Remus, leaning side to side to balance his own wobbling.

"Nice one," called James, "come on, try and go a bit higher, you can do it!"

Remus leaned back slightly trying to go a bit higher, but he lost balance again and ended up dropping back to the floor. Undeterred however, he repeated the process and eventually managed to join James and Sirius and Peter, who was still looking on the verge of falling off the broom but was managing to hold on.

"That's pretty good for you first time Remus," said Sirius, "you're as good as Peter at any rate and he's played Quidditch before."

"Not much," said Peter, a little put out by Sirius's comment.

"This is so boring," moaned James, "when is she going to let us bloody fly?"

"Probably not 'til Snivellus manages it," said Sirius, nodding to where Snape was still struggling to get his broom to lift him off the ground while Lily Evans encouraged him from the air.

"Oh Merlin, we're going to be floating here 'til the next ice age!" said James.

"Well, if we're going to be here that long we might as well have some fun, might'nt we?" said Sirius, a wicked grin spreading across his face, "I used to use this spell on Regulus when he was getting to show-offy and annoying on his broom, watch."

Using only one hand to hold him steady on his broom he reached into his robes and retrieved his wand. Pointing it subtly at Snape he muttered a spell Remus couldn't hear from this distance over the noise of the many excited first time fliers. Instantly, Snape's broom seemed to start twitching and jerking beneath him, as if it were a horse trying to buck him off.

Almost immediately people around him started noticing Snape's strange movements as he tried again and again to push off the ground and control the malfunctioning broom at the same time. A wave of laughing, pointing and elbow nudging spread through the crowd of airborne students. At first Remus even saw Lily Evans laughing. It was only when the broom actually threw Snape down onto the floor that she hopped down off her broom and dashed over to him, looking concerned.

James and Sirius were laughing so hard Remus was impressed they managed to stay on their brooms. The sight of the broom bucking Snape off like that had been quite funny, but Remus couldn't help but imagine what he would feel like if someone had done that to him while he was still struggling to get the broom off the ground. Fair enough, the broom hadn't flung him off so violently as to cause him any harm, but the humiliation alone of having an entire class of students laughing openly at you like that would be terrible enough.

By now Madam Hooch was over by Snape and Lily dispelling the situation.

"Up you get, come on, you're not hurt, go and collect another broom, this one seems to have developed a defect, it happens with some of the old ones. The rest of you, I want you to now slowly descend and dismount your brooms, then form and orderly line by the goalposts, we're going to attempt some low flying."

"Nice one Sirius," said James as they carried their brooms to the back of the queue, "where did you learn that one?"

"A book," said Sirius, "Curses and Counter-Curses, I brought it with me actually, it's got some pretty good stuff in there, I learnt all the good ones before I came here but if you want to have a flick through it, it's always good to have a few handy jinxes up your sleeve for when golden opportunities like that come along."

"That was _you?!_" came a high pitched voice from behind them, and the four boys turned around to see an irate Lily Evans, "I should have known! You're always making fun of Severus for no reason and now you're actually jinxing him! You could have seriously hurt him!"

"That jinx would only have hurt him if he was actually in the air," said Sirius.

"And there's a fat chance that's ever going to happen," laughed James.

"You think you're so funny don't you," said Lily, "but you're not being funny, you're just being stupid bullies."

"Says the person who we all saw laughing," said Sirius.

"That was before… even if you didn't hurt him, you still make him look like a fool in front of the whole class! How would you like it if someone did that to you?!"

"Impossible," said Sirius, "no one would ever be able to make me look like a fool, if they did I'd pay them ten galleons."

"You're so bloody pig-headed, both of you, and you two as well!" she added, rounding on Remus and Peter, "you're each as bad as the other, there's no good standing there and trying to look like you had nothing to do with it. You're all just such… such…"

"Are you going to insult us or what Evans, we haven't got all day you?" said James.

"Argh!" yelled Lily, waving her broom in frustration and nearly hitting Peter over the head with it before storming off right to the back of other queue.

"Yes," said Sirius, "those two are definitely snogging."


	18. Chapter 18

"Come on Remus, it'll be hilarious," said James, "you were well up for it last week, what's changed?"

"What's changed is that now we've got homework to do," said Remus.

"What are you talking about? You've already done your star chart so you've only got the Charms and Defence essays still to do. You do Charms tomorrow and Defence isn't due 'til Tuesday, you've got loads of time!"

"Wouldn't it be better to just get it all out the way today though?" argued Remus, though a defeated tone was creeping into his voice, "that way we can have fun tomorrow without it hanging over us."

"Come on Remus, we've been working all week," said Sirius, "Saturday's a day for relaxation… or as it may be, depriving teachers of it."

Remus sighed. It was a great plan they had come up with. After Sirius's Howler the boys had decided that the charm was entirely wasted on rant about dishonour and blood purity, and now the fruits of their endeavours were finally ready to be feasted upon. In a pile between James's and Sirius's beds lay a twitching heap of envelopes. Inside each was a piece of parchment, and on each piece of parchment was written the words to a different song. When all of them were let off at the same time in a confined space, such as, for argument's sake, the staffroom, the result would be an unbearable cacophony of tuneless voices. Enough to cause a nice disruption to any teacher's afternoon cup of tea. No, the prank was not the problem, it was simply a case of bad timing.

They had planned to do the prank last weekend, but as is so often the case with carefully planned things it was pushed back by one thing and another, and now here they were, all set with their supply of ready-to-explode Howlers, and tonight was the bloody full moon.

"Okay," said Remus, feeling bad about making the others put off their prank even longer just because he had work to do and was feeling somewhat unwell, "to the staffroom then?"

James, Peter and Sirius beamed.

"To the staffroom," they agreed, and they stuff the howlers into James's satchel and set off to put their plan into action.

They were waylaid in the Common Room, however, by Lily Evans

"What are you four up to?" she demanded, folding her arms across her chest as she stood in their path.

"Who say's we're up to anything?" said Sirius.

"You did!" said Lily, "you should learn to talk a bit quieter while you're looking up charms for your stupid practical jokes in the library while some people are trying to work."

"And you should learn that eavesdropping is naughty," countered James, "now if you'll excuse us we have mail to send."

"You're going to get in a ton of trouble for this," said Lily, following them to the portrait hole, "you lose us all the House Points we've earnt so far. Remus, you can't possibly be thinking of going with them."

Lily seemed to have singles Remus out as the "reasonable one" of the four friends, not that she didn't tell him off as regularly as any of the others, if anything he bore the brunt of her chastising almost as much as James and Sirius, which was a bit unfair really seeing as they were normally the ringleaders in any little troublemaking schemes they came up with. Remus supposed that she had chosen him because he worked the hardest in lessons.

"It's only a bit of fun Lily," he said, trying to straddle the middle ground between reassuring Lily and not seeming like he was wimping out in front of Sirius and Peter and James.

"Forget it Remus, Smelly Evans doesn't know what fun means," said Sirius.

"Yeah," said Peter, "she's too busy snogging Snivellus to have any fun."

"Fine! Get in trouble, see if I care!"

"See you then!" called James brightly as Lily stomped off.

Remus allowed himself to take a back seat in the conversation as they made their way to the staffroom. He back was beginning to hurt and now that he was moving around he realised that he was very tired.

"You alright there Remus?" asked James, "don't tell me you're sulking because you'd rather be back at the dorm with your Charms essay."

"Sorry," said Remus, "my mind just wandered there for a bit."

"Well, no time for any more mind wanderings now," said Sirius as they reached the staffroom door, "alright men, to your positions!"

What this essentially meant was that Remus and Sirius went to hide round the corner, James ducked under his invisibility cloak and Peter stepped right up to the staffroom door. A hand poked out from think air and gave an "okay" sign. Peter nodded at the hand, it disappeared again and he knocked on the door.

Remsu and Sirius listened as Peter stumbled over a long winded half-question half-apology about some piece of homework he hadn't done yet. He was stalling on purpose to give James time to slip in, release the Howlers, and get out again before all hell broke loose. Remus and Sirius waiting patiently, listening for any sign of trouble, poised to charge in as reinforcements, either as another student with a complicated query, or to come to James's rescue should he somehow manage to trap himself in the room full of teachers.

Just as Remus's attention was beginning to drift they heard the sound they had been hoping for. A horrible mix of screeching and gargling, the sound of a couple of dozen different Wizarding popular songs and nursery rhymes sung in the boys' best worst voices. They emerged from their hiding place to see James and Peter running for dear life, and they quickly dashed off after them.

"Stop! You stop right there or it'll be detention for a month!"

It was Professor Slughorn, which was a stroke of luck, Remus thought, because he doubted the walrussy man would be able to outrun the four of them. There would be more teachers on the way though, and it would be best to find a place to hide as soon as possible.

"Come on, hurry up you two," said Sirius.

He and James were some way ahead of Peter, who was in turn a couple of feet ahead of Remus. Remus tried to run faster but his legs seemed to jar every time he landed too hard on them. He felt sort of light headed too, so his balance was all of kilte and whenever they rounded a corner he lost even more ground of the others.

"Come on, take my hand," said James, who had stopped a little ahead of Remus with his hand stretched out towards him, "Sirius you grab Peter, we've got to hurry or we'll get caught."

Remus took James's hand and tried to keep his legs moving fast enough to keep up with his body as he was dragged along more corridors, round more corners, and up more flights of stairs. He tripped over his feet more than a few times when he couldn't match James's pace, and soon the corridor before him seemed to be tilting and blurring. He stumbled again. Grey fuzzy splotches were clouding his vision, and the same fuzziness was invading his ears. He might have said something, he might have tried to loosen James's iron grip, but he didn't remember either way. He fainted before he hhit the floor.

James felt a sudden jolt on his arm. Remus had tripped again, though this time he had fallen flat on his face. He tugged at his arm, urging him to get up, and when that didn't work he bent down beside him to offer him a hand. That was when he noticed that Remus's eyes were closed and his mouth open, face muscles slack as if in sleep.

"Sirius! Peter! Stop!" he called.

"The teacher's'll be here any minute," panted Peter, "we can't stop now. Remus, come on, we'll et in trouble!"

"I don't think he can hear you Pete," said James, "I think he's unconscious, look."

Sirius and Peter bent down next to James, and agreed that Remus was indeed unconscious.

"Did you see what happened to him?" asked Sirius, "did someone hex him?!"

"I didn't see anybody," said James, "we were just running and I felt this deadweight on my arm and I turned around and he was just lying like this."

"Bugger," said Sirius, "what do we do?"

"I don't know," said James, "what are you meant to do when someone faints?"

"Well I don't know!" said Sirius, "that was why I was asking you!"

"We should get a teacher," said Peter.

And right on cue, Professors McGonagall and Slughorn, along with the caretaker Mr Filch, burst round the corner and stumbled to a surprised halt in front of the four boys.

"You four are in so much trouble," said Professor McGonagall, "is that Remus Lupin?" she added sharply, seeing the prone body on the floor."

"We didn't do anything to him we swear!" said Sirius.

"He just passed out," said James.

Peter nodded to his friend's assertions.

"The three of you are to go with Mr Filch, he was assign you your punishments."

"But what about Remus?" asked Peter.

"Mr Lupin's punishment can be arranged when he is once again conscious Mr Pettigrew," said McGonagall impatiently.

"No, I mean, will he be alright?"

"I'm sure he'll be perfectly fine," said McGonagall, "We shall take him to the Hospital wing an Madam Pomfrey will have him right as rain in no time."

"Can't we come too?" asked James.

"No," said Professor McGonagall, in a tone of clear finality, "you three shall go with Mr Filch, Professor Slughorn and I can deal with Remus.

"Come on you 'orrible lot," said Filch, grabbing Sirius, who was nearest, by the wrist and physically dragging him away from the scene. James and Peter, not wanting to be similarly manhandled, followed quickly.

"Scrubbing bedpans! That man is evil, I'm telling you. It was only a bit of a laugh."

"No sense of humour at all," agreed James, following Sirius through the portrait hole, "it wasn't as if anyone got hurt or anything, I don't think we even broke any rules, not any important ones anyway…"

"So you did get into trouble then," said Lily, who was reading in one of the armchairs when the boys entered, but promptly laid her book aside and marched over towards the boys.

"Yeah well the thing is Evans, we don't really care," said Sirius.

"Come on then, how many house points did you… where's Remus?"

"Hospital Wing," said the three boys simultaneously.

"Oh well done," said Lily, "not only did you manage to land yourself in detentions but Remus also managed to get himself injured as well. Well, serves him right I'd say, maybe it'll teach him not to go round getting himself caught up in any more of your mad schemes. You'll be next Peter, wherever there's trouble there two are always at the centre of it. How did he hurt himself then? Did the spell go wrong? Bet it did. Honestly, you try and do these elaborate pranks and you can't even…"

"The prank went swimmingly thank you very much," said James, "Remus had to go to the Hospital Wing afterwards because he was sick."

"Sick? Again? What kind of sick?"

"How am I supposed to know, I'm not a Healer."

"He just passed out when we were running away from the teachers," said Peter.

"He passed out?! Oh God! Did he come round?"

"We don't know," said Sirius, "McGonagall and Slughorn sent us away with Filch and he ranted on at us for about half an hour and then when he finally let us go we went to try and see Remus in the Hospital Wing 'cause McGonagall said that's where they were going to take him but Madam Pomfrey told us to clear off."

"Oh gosh," said Lily, "I hope it isn't bad."

"Hang on a minute," said Sirius, "you were saying it serves him right a minute ago!"

"Yeah well that was when I thought it was his own stupid fault," said Lily, "I didn't realise he was sick again!"

"Yeah well maybe don't be so quick to assume stuff Evans," said James, "no haven't you got any slimy Slytherin's to snog or do you plan to stand in our way all day?"

"I swear Potter, if you make sun of Severus one more time I'll…"

"You'll what? Oh… wait… I don't care."

And with that the four boys trooped past her and retreated up the stairs to their dormitory. They should have been basking in the glory of a prank gone to plan (apart from the evening of bedpan scrubbing they had to look forward to) but it just didn't feel right after what had happened to Remus.

What _had_ happened to Remus?

Peter was the first one to voice the question.

"People don't just faint for no reason like that do they?" added James.

"Yeah," said Sirius, "he seemed fine earlier didn't he?"

"I don't know," said Peter, "maybe he wasn't, he didn't eat much at breakfast or lunch did he?"

"You think he's sick then?"

"Well, like James said, people don't just faint for no reason do they? Not healthy people at any rate."

"We don't know that's what happened though," said Sirius, "he might have hit his head on something, or something like that. That can make you faint can't it?"

"I suppose he might have tripped on something and when he fell he hit his head on the ground and then _that_ was when he passed out," said James.

"Maybe," said Sirius thoughtfully, "he'll probably be out by this evening anyway, McGonagall said he'd be fine, we can ask him what happened when he gets back."


	19. Chapter 19

"Remus? Are you awake? Ah, good. How are you feeling?"

"Much better today," said Remus as the matron checked his wounds.

"Good, the wounds seem to healing okay, but I'm not letting you leave until you're well enough to eat something. We wouldn't want you fainting again."

Remus went red and mumbled something into his night shirt about not normally fainting.

"You were over-exerting yourself Remus," said Madam Pomfrey seriously, "I don't want to hear of you being so silly again, understand?"

"Yes Madam Pomfrey," said Remus.

"Now, eat this and then Professor McGonagall would like to have a word with you."

Oh no. Remus had spent every waking hour dreading this since he first woke up in the Hospital wing on Saturday. How much trouble would he be in? Would they write to his parents? Would he be expelled? He heart was thumping so hard he could feel it in his throat. His stomach clenched and he hoped he was not going to be sick, he decided he had better not eat the plate of food Madam Pomfrey had left him just in case. After a few minutes the door to the Hospital Wing opened and in walked his Head of House. Remus sat up straighter in bed, thinking absurdly that she would chastise him for his pyjamas being too messy.

"Hello Mr Lupin," she said, drawing up a chair by the side of his bed, "how are you feeling today."

"Very-well-thank-you," said Remus automatically.

"There's no need to be worried Mr Lupin," said Professor McGonagall kindly, "you are not in any serious trouble."

"I'm so sorry Professor, I didn't… well I… I've got no excuse for what I did, I'm really sorry."

"The joke you and your friends decided to play was immature and while it may not have seemed serious to you as it did not harm anyone I expect Hogwarts students, and particularly those from my House, to conduct themselves in a considerate and respectful manner at all times."

"Yes Professor, I'm sorry."

"Your apology is accepted Mr Lupin," said Professor McGonagall, "I have however taken five points from each from Gryffindor from you and Messrs Potter, Pettigrew and Black. We are now in third place behind Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. I will be expecting you and your friends to be working hard in class to make up for your lost points."

"Yes Professor, I will."

"Good. Though I must say that you certainly have been working very well in my lessons, and it may interest you to know that I have had many teachers saying reporting similar things. You have the right attitude Mr Lupin, I would warn you, however on being lead into things by others. _Especially_," she added, "when you know that you are not well. I'm sure Madam Pomfrey has already told you this Remus but now that you're at Hogwarts, though we will offer you all the support we can, you will have to start taking more responsibility for your own wellbeing. It's good that you're making friends, but you must remember sometimes to take a step back and think before following what everyone else is doing. Whether it is a moral decision you need to make, or simply a judgement on whether or not you are fit for whatever the proposed activity is, you need to take the time to make it yourself and then stick to it. Do not allow others, even, and in fact most especially, your friends, to cajole you into doing things you think, for whatever reason, you ought not to be doing."

"Yes Professor," said Remus, wondering how she knew that he had not been strong willed enough to resist James, Sirius and Peter's persuasions.

"If it seems like I am being harsh with you Remus, then I promise you it is for your own good," said Professor McGonagall, and Remus was surprised to hear her use his first name, "you shall also have to serve a detention for the stunt you and your friends pulled on Saturday. Now, I am sure you will have work to catch up on from the lessons you've missed. So what I propose is that when you report to my office for your detention, which we shall provisionally schedule for Wednesday at half past four in the afternoon, you bring along some work to do and you can work on it in silence for an hour. I feel that would be a better use of both of our times than polishing trophies or writing lines."

"Thank you Professor," said Remus.

"Of course, I will be on hand in your detention, so if there is any work you are struggling with I would advise you to bring that so that you can ask for help. Transfiguration is of course my area of expertise, though I am sure I would be able to help you with your other subjects as well, or at the very least, point you in the right direction."

"Yes Professor, thank you."

"Good," said Professor McGonagall, "now, since we are having this discussion Mr Lupin, I wanted to ask you how things are going, generally I mean. Are you settling in okay? Are you keeping up with all your work? It is clear you are making friends, but how are you getting along with the other students in general?"

"Everything's fine Professor," said Remus.

"If that is the case then I am glad to hear it," said Professor McGonagall, "but I want you to know that my office is always open should you need to talk about any problems you are having. Part of taking responsibility for your own wellbeing is knowing when that responsibility is too much to bear on your own. So if there is anything you would like to ask me, even if it may seem silly, you might as well do it now. I promise you there is no such thing as a silly question."

Remus was about to repeat his last response again, but then something that had been brewing at the bottom of his mind for quite some while now came bubbling up to the surface, and before he knew it was overflowing out of his mouth.

"How do I lie to people Professor? How do I hide what I am from them? How can I make excuses to get out of things that don't just make them asks hundred more questions I have to make up answers to?"

Professor McGonagall sighed.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this Remus," she said, "people as young as you should not have to lie, lying corrupts innocence, not because it is inherently 'bad' but because it makes one view the world through suspicious and paranoid eyes. I do not want to corrupt what remains of your innocence like that Remus, but it is clear that in your situation you have no choice but to start seeing the world through the harsh, judging eyes of an adult. The first thing I will say is this, keep things simple, don't overcomplicate and don't over explain. Try to paint a picture which people will complete themselves so that you don't have to go through filling in all the intricacies of it. It may seem tempting to pad stories out to make them more believable, but then you will have to remember all the extra details you have put in and be extra careful not contradict yourself later. It's far easier to stick with stories which are easy to remember. This month your friends saw you faint, so you really have no other option than to say that you were ill. But as we don't want people to think that you are getting ill too often I would try to make other excuses to leave your friends before you reach the point where you are clearly visibly ill. I would suggest that you say you have to go home for some reason or another, a wedding, a funeral, visiting a sick relative… if anyone should ask one of the teachers about your absence they'll all know the real reason and confirm your story. I hope what I've said has been of some help to you Remus, as I say, it is cruel that you must learn how to lie so quickly, but you are right in that it is also crucial that no one finds out about your lycanthropy."

"Thank you Professor," said Remus, "I'll make up a different story next time. And I'll come to Madam Pomfrey earlier, I promise, I've learnt my lesson."

"Good," smiled Professor McGonagall, "I think that will be all then. Get well soon Mr Lupin."

Remus thanked his Head of House again and she left the Hospital Wing.

Well, that had gone better than expected, thought Remus, he was still here at least, and not only that but McGonagall seemed to be going out of her way to help him, both with his schoolwork and with lying. Her speech about innocence had been rather unexpected though, and Remus was still puzzling over quite what she'd meant when Madam Pomfrey returned and gave him a rather forceful reminder about the plate of food which had been left untouched on his bedside table. Remus ate as much as he could manage, he really did want to get out of here as soon as possible. He wanted to get back to his lessons, and, as McGonagall kept calling them, his _friends._


End file.
